Episode transcript - “THANKSGIVING WITH THE COLONY”

[SFX: The confessional door opens. GAYLE enters sitting across from FR. BEN]

FR. BEN: In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. How many days has it been since your last confession?

GAYLE: Three weeks.

FR. BEN: And what brings you here today?

GAYLE: (long sigh) I don’t know, Father. I think I might’ve really messed things up with Pat.

FR. BEN: How so?

GAYLE: We aren’t exactly speaking right now. I know I wasn’t necessarily in the right… but he wasn’t either!

FR. BEN: Can you tell me what happened?

GAYLE: (deep breath) Right, right. I’m getting ahead of myself. 

FR. BEN: Just start from the beginning.

GAYLE: Okay. So, as you might know, I take care of a few of the neighborhood cats, feral little friends who don’t have anybody else.

FR. BEN: Okay. How many is a few?

GAYLE: Well, let’s see, there’s Sebastian, Marlowe, Pepperoni and Sausage, Lady, Persephone, and Max. So seven? They come and go. I’m not supposed to pick favorites but I have a soft spot for Sebastian, my tough little brawler. He’s the most perfect black tomcat and he comes by the most often. I so wish he’d come inside and let me love him properly. (sigh) Oh and of course there’s Big Edie and Little Edie, but they’re not strictly cats. 

FR. BEN: No?

GAYLE: No, they’re raccoons. 

FR. BEN: You’ve been … feeding wild animals?

GAYLE: Just the raccoons! And the occasional possum... And skunk. And maybe a few squirrels. They know I put the food out and come around! It started with just the cats but kinda spiraled out from there. All are welcome on our patio. They aren’t doing any harm. And they’re so cute with their tiny wittle paws. Oh, I could just squeeze them! But I don’t. Obviously. They are raccoons.

FR. BEN: Obviously. I bet they’re, uh, real cute, but are you sure feeding the local wildlife isn’t slightly, how to put this, endangering?

GAYLE: No, no! The wild critters don’t stick around. Not like the cats. Just a quick snack and they’re on their way. What I’m trying to say is that I just really care about all these little guys.

BEN: That is more than evident.

GAYLE: And they don’t have anyone else. We have an agreement. I feed them and they keep me company for a little while. If they were willing, I’d take the whole lot of them in, but feral cats have their wild ways. Who am I to fault them for that?

FR. BEN: So what does this have to do with Pat?

GAYLE: Well… Pat has never been a huge fan of my furry family. I’ve never hidden what I do, but to put it charitably, Pat tolerates our guests. I think because he knows what they mean  to me.

FR. BEN: I can tell your inclination comes from a good place, but have you considered how this dynamic might be a big change for Pat? 

GAYLE: I mean, yes. He didn’t so much as have a pet fish before I came along.

FR. BEN: So having all this activity around must be a bit of an adjustment.

GAYLE: … I suppose.

FR. BEN: Still, it is kind that you want to care for these creatures.

GAYLE: Thank you. I just wish Pat would see it that way too. He just sees them as a nuisance.

FR. BEN: What makes you say that?

GAYLE: I mean, for one, he doesn’t like how much time I spend with the cats. He calls them The Colony, as if they’re taking over! When the weather is good, they’ll sleep on our patio, sure, but that’s because the bricks are all warm and sun-soaked. Why shouldn’t they? It’s not like he ever hangs out back there, anyway. He’s always at the diner!

FR. BEN: But it is his space too.

GAYLE: No, I know. It is. I agree with you there. But the cats have never stopped either of us from using the patio. If anything, I really feel like they make it a cozier space. I love waking up and opening the blinds to see who’s stopped by. And they’re always so happy to see me! Purring and meowing and being the most delightful  little angel babies.

FR. BEN: So the cats have been a point of some contention?

GAYLE: Yes, but it really came to a head last week, on Thanksgiving. And that terrible snowstorm.

FR. BEN: I think I can see where this is going.

GAYLE: It was the first big snow of the season. It was supposed to just be a few flurries but, as I’m sure you’re aware, conditions changed.

FR. BEN: It picked up really fast. 

GAYLE: It did. Pat almost never closes the diner. He always says he wants it to be a place for people to feel good, especially when they might not have anywhere else to go. Honestly, it’s one of the things that made me fall in love with him. He’s so steadfast and dedicated and a damn good cook! 

FR. BEN: He really does commit himself to serving the community, literally and figuratively… I don’t know what we’d do without Pat’s. 

GAYLE: Exactly. So, when he decided to close for Thanksgiving to host at our place, I knew it was major. He invited his sister Cynthia, her husband Mark, and their 12-year-old daughter Erica for dinner. I’d never actually met them, even though we’ve been together for a while. I mean, last year for Thanksgiving I just popped into the diner for lunch and spent the rest of the day reading.

FR. BEN: No family of your own nearby?

GAYLE: No, my parents have both passed and my brother lives in Austin with his husband, so I don’t see him very often.

FR. BEN: Introducing you to his family does seem like an important step.

GAYLE: I know. And I’m grateful they made the trip. I… I just don’t really like leaving the cats. 

FR. BEN: But wasn’t this a special occasion?

GAYLE: Well, yes. And it was nice of them to come all the way to us. They made it well ahead of the storm. I was excited to meet them. Really! But I kept getting … distracted. I hate this time of year. I set up a little shelter, just along the side of the building. It’s dry and warm enough with nice, lovely straw. I even got a little outdoor heater thing, like they have at restaurants. I just want to make sure they have a place to go, you know, safe from the elements. 

FR. BEN: I can understand that. So what happened?

GAYLE: Well, it started coming down harder and faster, and I just got more and more preoccupied. I completely missed the appetizers because I was outside trying to reinforce the lean-to, which was a real challenge with the wind! Marlowe, Pepperoni, and Sausage were the first to hole up there. But Sebastian was nowhere to be seen. I know he’s self-sufficient but when the weather turns like this… It just makes me nervous. (beat) I spent most of the day standing by the slider watching the snow come down and checking in on the cats, which I get the feeling Pat didn’t love. 

FR. BEN: What makes you say that?

GAYLE: He did ask, rather pointedly, a couple of times if I would be so kind as to join them. I know he was frustrated. Everyone was sitting down to eat this beautiful meal but my mind was outside. Cindy was telling us about their recent trip to Majorca and I had to ask her to repeat herself three times. 

FR. BEN: Yikes.

GAYLE: I know. I didn’t really get to talk with Cindy and Mark the way I think Pat wanted me to. The way I wanted to. I don’t think I made a very good impression… Pat’s niece did come and talk to me a little bit. She’s a real animal lover. I think she might have been the only one who understood what all my fuss was about. I introduced her to the cats and they were very well behaved. They can get prickly around me, nevermind strangers! Pat even let us give the cats some leftover turkey after dinner, which was good of him. 

FR. BEN: That sounds very sweet. 

GAYLE: It was. Erica’s a very sweet girl.

FR. BEN: It’s nice you could bond with her over your love of animals.

GAYLE: It really was. Anyway, after the three of them left to go back to the motel, Pat and I got into it. We were putting away the leftovers and doing the dishes, when I saw a tell tale streak of black against the snow. So I stopped everything I was doing and ran outside to make sure Sebastian was okay and give him  a little turkey too. When I got back inside Pat was real quiet. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. But it was clearly something, so I said as much. And then he said really, really softly, “I wish you cared about me as much as you care about those damn cats.” And I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, it would’ve been better if he screamed at me. But he was just so quiet and so sad and I didn’t know what to say. So I didn’t say anything. And we haven’t said a word to each other since.

FR. BEN:  It sounds like what happened really hurt him.

GAYLE: I know. I know! But I don’t know what he expects me to do! Those animals need me. I can’t just abandon them.

FR. BEN: I don’t think Pat’s asking you to—

GAYLE: But that’s exactly what he wants! He wants me to ignore them and go jet-setting around the globe and let them fend for themselves. “They’re just animals,” he says. But cats are never just anything. They have provided so much love and comfort for me when I had nothing and nobody else. And if I don’t care for them, who else will? 

FR. BEN: I can tell you are really passionate about these animals. And I think that is admirable. But can you see at all where Pat is coming from?

GAYLE: I mean, yes. Of course. I feel awful. I should have made it my business to be present with his family. He was trying to share something with me and I just checked out. I know it was wrong but I don’t know what else I could have done. I was just so worried. 

FR. BEN: Does this happen a lot? This kind of thing?

GAYLE: It has happened before. He got us tickets to Sandals, Jamaica last year, but we didn’t go because I didn’t want to leave them. I mean is it so bad to love them so much? I love Pat too. I love him so much it makes my heart ache. He’s a good man. A great man. And I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want to have to choose between him and this work.

FR. BEN: You keep referring to caring for these animals as work that you do. As a service.

GAYLE: Well, yes, it is in a lot of ways. The only shelter for miles is a kill shelter. There isn’t anyone to just care for the cats and other critters for their sake and their sake alone. They just want to catch them and eliminate them. It’s terrible.

FR. BEN: You are committed to these creatures. You do it because you have a strong affection for them and want them to be okay. Can you see how this mirrors everything you love about Pat? You’re both dedicated and dogged and hardworking, serving and doting on the communities you care about, even if one is two-legged and the other four. And even if your commitments keep you from fully engaging with each other.

GAYLE: Well, when you put it like that…

FR. BEN: Pat closed the diner to spend time with his family, including you. He set some time aside from his work and his passion to focus on the other parts of his life that bring him joy and meaning. He wanted you to be a part of that.

GAYLE: Well, when you say it like that, I sound like a real jerk. 

FR. BEN: We can all be a little selfish sometimes, getting caught up in our own needs and interests and paying less attention to those around us. It’s about striking a balance. That’s the core of any good relationship, right? 

GAYLE: … Right.

FR. BEN: You care about Pat?

GAYLE: Yes! I love him.

FR. BEN: Then he has to be part of your priority list. And I don’t think it’s mutually exclusive. Being there for Pat doesn’t mean you have to give up caring for the cats. I’m not saying that at all. I think you can find a better balance where you can care for these animals and be able to show up for your partner. Have you ever thought about opening your own shelter?

GAYLE: My own shelter?

FR. BEN: Yeah, like a volunteer-run outfit. There was something like that in Binghamton. Some of our parishioners banded together to take in and care for strays. It was funded and run entirely by volunteers. 

GAYLE: I’ve… I’ve never considered that. 

FR. BEN: Maybe it’s something you could think about. I think the people in this community may surprise you. St. Pat’s could even help with the initial efforts. Maybe we can do a fundraiser to get you started?

GAYLE: That… that would be something else. If I knew there were people to look after these little guys, I wouldn’t be so… so stressed about travel and things. 

FR. BEN: I do want to reiterate that you need to talk to Pat. Tell him what you told me, but make sure you listen to him too, hear his side and where he’s coming from. I think you can come to a compromise.

GAYLE: And maybe actually take a vacation. 

FR. BEN: Well, that would be a nice bonus, wouldn’t it?

GAYLE: It would. (mostly to herself) We could start at the apartment. I could set up a shed with supplies, so people can come in shifts. And maybe eventually we could set up a permanent space in town. Maybe we could even get some adoptions for some of the friendlier strays. If… if we could get people on board to help… I… I think this could be something really special

FR. BEN: And maybe next time Cynthia, Mark, and Erica are in town, you could show them around?

GAYLE: I would like that. I think Erica would be really into it. I can’t thank you enough Father, for taking the time.

FR. BEN: That’s what I’m here for.  Let’s set up a meeting this week to talk about logistics for a fundraiser. 

GAYLE: That sounds absolutely purr-fect. 

[Cue theme music]