Episode transcript - “Forgive st. kilda”
[SFX: A generic ICRS message plays on the television in the Background. A pleasant trill interrupts the TV.]
DIPA: Reese, you have an incoming call from Lincoln Larson.
REESE: Connect.
[SFX: The call connects.]
REESE: Link.
LINCOLN: Hey Reese, sorry to call you, but I saw the news, and Dad's not answering.
REESE: I haven't been able to get through either. But if your dad or Theo calls, I'll let you know. OK?
LINCOLN: OK. OK. Thanks.
REESE: Are you all right? Do you need me to come over?
LINCOLN: I— I'm good. I'll be fine.
REESE: Lincoln, it's going to be fine.
LINCOLN: I hope so.
[SFX: Lincoln disconnects the call. Reese lets out the longest of sighs.]
REESE: (whispering) OK, OK. This is not how I thought my last week in Atlanta would go. (another sigh) Well, desperate times call for desperate measures. Lord, please forgive me for calling this desperate.
[SFX: Reese plops down on the hotel room bed.]
REESE: DIPA, pull up the Confessions application.
DIPA: Of course Reese.
[SFX: An affirmative beep sounds.]
DIPA: Would you prefer Catholic or Eastern Orthodox?
REESE: Catholic.
DIPA: Would you prefer traditional or progressive?
REESE: Um...is there an in-between?
DIPA: Loading Father Ben program now.
[SFX: Another affirmative beep.]
FR. BEN: Hello Reese.
REESE: Hello Father...Ben, right?
FR. BEN: Yes. Or simply Ben, if that makes you more comfortable.
REESE: It doesn't.
FR. BEN: (a smile in his voice) Then Father Ben it is.
REESE: So...do we simply jump right in?
FR. BEN: I would say yes, but you must first accept the terms and conditions of this program.
REESE: (to herself) Of course.
FR. BEN: Any person who chooses to do so may participate in Sacrament of Confession, but if you're not Catholic, you will not receive absolution. Are you Catholic?
REESE: I was baptized.
FR. BEN: A yes or no please.
REESE: Um, yes.
FR. BEN: Before participating in the Sacrament of Confession, you are encouraged to identify any sins or shortcomings that may have occurred since your last confession.
REESE: (aside) That might take a minute.
FR. BEN: By using this Confessions application, you understand and agree that we may send you communications reminding you to reflect on your thoughts, words, and actions as you go through daily life. We will, of course, give you the opportunity to opt-out of receiving these communications at any time. Do you agree to these terms and conditions?
REESE: Yes.
FR. BEN: Thank you for your cooperation. What's troubling you today, Reese?
REESE: Aren't I supposed to say something about forgiveness and sins?
FR. BEN: Only if you want to.
REESE: I was not old enough to drive at my last confession. I really don't remember much.
FR. BEN: Traditionally, you would begin by saying "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned." But that is no a requirement. This is your confession, and you guide it in a way that makes you the most comfortable.
REESE: I think I should tell you that I'm gay.
FR. BEN: Is that what you wanted to confess?
REESE: No. No, I've been out most of my life.
FR. BEN: That's good.
REESE: It is?
FR. BEN: I always say that being true to yourself is one of the first steps to a happy life.
REESE: And you're not bothered?
FR. BEN: That you're gay?
REESE: Yes.
FR. BEN: No.
REESE: You are a Catholic priest, correct?
FR. BEN: Last time I checked.
REESE: And you don't have a problem with my sexuality?
FR. BEN: I am programmed without opinions on sexual orientation or gender. A lack of opinion helps prevent any kind of shaming in an environment centered around guilt.
REESE: All right, then.
FR. BEN: Also, God loves all his children just as they are, and I am a servant of God.
[SFX: Reese lets out a true laugh.]
REESE: I wish you were around when my parents were alive.
FR. BEN: I'm sorry that I wasn't.
REESE: But that is not why I started this program! I've recently decided to make a huge life change, and I was very ready to do it...up until about five minutes ago.
FR. BEN: What happened five minutes ago?
REESE: My best friend's mentor decided to tell the world that the ICRS has essentially been lying to everyone for decades.
FR. BEN: The ICRS?
REESE: The International Conglomerate of Research Scientists. How do you not know what the ICRS is?
FR. BEN: Should I know?
REESE: Everyone on the planet knows.
FR. BEN: Well, technically, I'm not on the planet any longer. This program is based upon a man who died in the 21st century. The visual you see here was Father Ben at age 37.
REESE: Interesting. So you're not programed to know events past your lifetime?
FR. BEN: The program can be adjusted if you'd like.
REESE: (pleasantly surprised) Actually...no. I quite like the idea of speaking to someone in your unique position.
FR. BEN: (a gentle laugh) In need a fresh perspective?
REESE: Very much so.
FR. BEN: Well, let's begin with this huge life change.
REESE: Oh. I've decided to move closer to my children.
FR. BEN: That's wonderful! How far away are they now?
REESE: I live in Atlanta, and they live in Phoenix.
FR. BEN: Being that far away must have been hard.
REESE: Incredibly. They were here for Christmas...the first time I've seen them in person in six years.
FR. BEN: That's quite a long time.
REESE: Travel between The Walls is very difficult. There's lots of paperwork and testing, and it can be a burden.
FR. BEN: I'm not judging you, Reese.
REESE: I just needed to explain the reason why it's been so long.
FR. BEN: Because of the travel between walls?
REESE: The Walls. In my time, major cities are walled off. Citizens are not allowed free travel outside of the walls. It's the best way to keep us safe...at least that's what I've been told for so long.
[SFX: A long pause.]
REESE: AVS, Apollyon Viral Syndrome, is a highly contagious fatal virus, and to limit the spread, there are strict restrictions on travel.
FR. BEN: Apollyon? As in from Revelation.
REESE: The book in the Bible?
FR. BEN: Yes. Revelation 9:11 to be exact. "They have as king over them the angel of the bottomless pit; his name in Hebrew is Abaddon, and in Greek he is called Apollyon."
REESE: I did know the name was Greek for Destroyer. I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recall it was from the Bible.
FR. BEN: Most people don't know Bible verses by heart. I only know it because I'm programmed to. In fact, I'm intentionally programmed to not remember parts of Numbers as it makes me more relatable.
REESE: Priests don't memorize the Bible?
FR. BEN: Only the passages we like. Or the ones that make us seem really smart.
[SFX: Reese chuckles.]
FR. BEN: Recapitulation: in your time, there's a virus named after the Destroyer from the book of the Bible that discusses the end of times? And I thought we software programs had it bad.
[SFX: Father Ben chuckles.]
REESE: Did you just make a joke about AVS?
FR. BEN: I did.
REESE: Roughly 75% of the population died in the first few waves.
FR. BEN: Oh.
REESE: That is not something to be joked about, Father.
FR. BEN: I will adjust my programming… We were discussing your inability to visit your children on a regular basis.
REESE: I got a bit sidetracked by your terribly programmed humor.
FR. BEN: Again, the programming has been adjusted. Let's return to our discussion.
REESE: Right… So, you see, I'm not a terrible mother, it's that we live in a terrible world.
FR. BEN: Reese, I've reviewed our conversation log, and I never said you were a terrible mother.
REESE: It felt implied.
FR. BEN: I am incapable of implications. But if you're looking for sterner, fire and brimstone sort of priest, I suggest the Father Klem mode.
REESE: That's not necessary. I prefer you, Father Ben.
FR. BEN: Wonderful. Now that we've established I never said you were a bad mother. Why would you assume I had implied such a thing? Has someone else told you that before?
[SFX: A long pause.]
REESE: I'm sure she didn't mean it. People tend to say things they don't mean when they're angry.
FR. BEN: Are you talking about your partner?
REESE: Yes. My ex-wife. We had some trouble being in the same space near the end. I thought separating—divorce. I thought divorce would help us. It didn't. Our disdain for one another was affecting our boys, I could see it. That's why I left.
[SFX: Reese takes in a shaky breath, fighting back tears. The next words are barely above a whisper.]
REESE: She told me I was a terrible mother for abandoning them.
FR. BEN: I assume planes still exist in your time?
REESE: (curious) They do.
FR. BEN: I promise I'm going somewhere with this. You know when you fly and the flight attendants tell you that you should put on your oxygen mask first before you help your child?
REESE: We don't have flight attendants anymore, but I get your meaning.
FR. BEN: If you're unable to breathe, you can't help your child. You have to be healthy to keep someone else healthy. You must take care of yourself in order to care for others.
REESE: Even if it makes you feel like you're abandoning them?
FR. BEN: Reese, do you love your boys?
REESE: Of course I do.
FR. BEN: When you and your wife were at your worst, were you all wrapped up in your feelings for one another? Did you have trouble setting aside those feelings in order to care for you kids?
REESE: We did.
FR. BEN: Did moving away help you breathe?
[SFX: Reese swallows hard.]
REESE: It did.
FR. BEN: Then you are far from a terrible mother.
REESE: Will you tell my ex-wife that?
FR. BEN: This session is being recorded. You can easily send it to her.
[SFX: Reese huffs a laugh.]
REESE: You may not have certain programming, but it's nice to know you have comedic timing mastered.
FR. BEN: I don't understand.
REESE: Never mind.
FR. BEN: I've noticed you venture off topic frequently.
REESE: I'm aware. It's a coping mechanism. I feel uncomfortable talking about myself sometimes.
FR. BEN: Would you like me to remind you that we're going off track or just go with the flow?
REESE: A gentle nudge would be nice.
FR. BEN: Gentle nudge it is. We were talking about your children.
REESE: When they were here over Christmas—my boys—I realized I couldn't stay away from them any longer. I needed to truly be a part of their lives. Once I made the decision, it was so easy...
FR. BEN: But?
REESE: But I will miss the life I've built here.
FR. BEN: Sacrifice is a part of life, especially as a parent. You made a huge sacrifice when you moved away, and now you're making another to move back. We sometimes have to make decisions that will hurt our hearts, but, in the end, they are for the best.
REESE: You're right. Thank you for saying that. I certainly needed to hear it.
FR. BEN: I'm glad. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?
REESE: Well, yes. I didn't actually open this program to talk about my parenting.
FR. BEN: That's right. We were going to talk about something more recent.
REESE: The new thing that is destroying my psyche.
FR. BEN: Your best friend's mentor saying that the ICRS has been lying to everyone.
REESE: Lying doesn't seem like a hefty enough word for this. This organization that I've seen as a protector, a guiding light for society has been...deceiving us for years! You need to understand how much this shakes me. I've had intense arguments supporting the work of the ICRS and their policies...and I was wrong. I can't believe I was so stupid.
FR. BEN: Do not ever call yourself stupid. Everyone makes mistakes.
REESE: That's true. We're all human.
FR. BEN: Well...
REESE: You know what I mean.
FR. BEN: Humans are fallible. You make decisions based on what you know and what you believe. Sometimes, those decisions are the right ones. Sometimes they're not. And, more often than not, your decisions were right in that moment and the moment—
REESE: Catastrophically morphs into something that you don't even recognize?
FR. BEN: I was going to say "changes," but sure.
REESE: Have you ever made a decision that was right in the moment and then the moment...changed? I mean, the human version of you.
FR. BEN: I most certainly have.
[SFX: A long pause.]
FR. BEN: Oh, you want to know what that decision was?
REESE: If you don't mind.
FR. BEN: (a little nervous) I'm sure my experiences as a 21st century Catholic priest would be less than relatable to you.
REESE: I'm a middle school principal, I've heard my fair share of confessions.
[SFX: Father Ben laughs.]
FR. BEN: Just the same. This is your session, Reese. Not mine.
REESE: My two best friends are scientists In fact, I'm one of the few people in my circle of friends who isn't a scientist.
FR. BEN: That's interesting.
REESE: It's not that uncommon. There are a lot of scientists in our community.
FR. BEN: I assume when the largest government entity is called the International Conglomerate of Scientists, there would be a lot of scientists.
REESE: Bingo. In fact, being something outside of the sciences is sort of frowned upon. Now I'm not so sure that's a good thing. Now I'm rethinking so many discussions I've had with students.
FR. BEN: You were talking about your best friends?
REESE: Yes. Thank you. I love them dearly, but sometimes… Theo, she's… Well, she's always a scientist with a capital S. She analyzes everything and needs to talk out every problem that comes her way. I love her to death, but it's very hard to discuss life problems with her.
FR. BEN: Because life problems sometimes don't have clear solutions.
REESE: In my experience, life problems rarely have clear solutions.
FR. BEN: That must be difficult.
REESE: Sometimes. But sometimes it's nice to know that she cares enough to put together an oral dissertation on my love life.
FR. BEN: I can see how that could be helpful.
REESE: Exactly.
FR. BEN: And your other friend?
REESE: Gabriel, he's...(a heavy sigh) Rarely serious. At least with me. He's the friend that you turn to when you need to smile. He'll hold your hand when times are rough, but he wants you to feel better and can't let you just be...
FR. BEN: Sad.
REESE: Right.
FR. BEN: Sadness is an important emotion.
REESE: Yes! It can help you slow down and think. Gabriel doesn't feel that way. He has two modes: happy and angry.
FR. BEN: That's not very healthy.
REESE: It really isn't. But he's very good at making you smile when you need it.
FR. BEN: Theo is the analyzer. Gabriel is the booster. Who are you?
REESE: I... I don't know.
FR. BEN: When either of your friends is in need of support, what do you do?
REESE: I... I listen.
FR. BEN: Do you try to make them feel better?
REESE: Not always. But sometimes they don't want that. Sometimes they just need to...talk.
FR. BEN: And you listen.
REESE: Yes.
FR. BEN: How long have the three of you been friends?
REESE: Since college, so a little over a decade.
FR. BEN: Do you have other friends, other people you talk to? Spend time with?
REESE: I have work acquaintances. I've dated too. But, it's mostly the three of us.
[SFX: A thoughtful moment.]
FR. BEN: Why did you tell me about them?
REESE: Hmm?
FR. BEN: You were asking about my experiences and then you told me about your friends. Why did you choose that moment to tell me about Theo and Gabriel?
REESE: I'm worried about them. I'm worried because Theo is so single-minded and precise in her reasoning, and Gabriel has so much trouble expressing true feelings, and I'm about to move 1800 miles away. And the distance doesn't even matter because living four hours away is the same in this world. I won't see them every week. I might never see them again. And all of this is happening when the world, THEIR WORLD, has imploded. (almost to herself) Maybe I shouldn't leave.
FR. BEN: Because you think you need to be there when they need someone to hear them, to listen to them?
REESE: (quietly) Yes.
FR. BEN: Who do you think needs you more?
REESE: What are you asking?
FR. BEN: You decided to move back to Phoenix to be closer to your children.
REESE: I did.
FR. BEN: How old are your boys, Reese?
REESE: 15 and 12.
FR. BEN: And you saw them in person at Christmas, right?
REESE: Right.
FR. BEN: And before that, you hadn't seen them in person since they were 6 and 9?
REESE: Mm-hm.
FR. BEN: How old are Theo and Gabriel?
REESE: (a smile in her voice) Almost 40.
FR. BEN: Do you see where I'm going with this?
REESE: I think so, but that doesn't mean my friends don't need me.
FR. BEN: No it doesn't, but they are not your children. They will never stop being your friends, your chosen family, but they don't need you to be physically present for them as much as those two growing young men do.
REESE: Father, it sounds like you're implying there's no reason I should be in crisis.
FR. BEN: Of course not! Remember, I'm not programmed to make implications. If it came across as that, I apologize. Your feelings are valid. Your fears are legitimate.
REESE: But I shouldn't be so worried about my adult friends when I've got teenagers to raise.
FR. BEN: Your words, not mine. But yes.
REESE: And what am I supposed to do about my entire belief system crumbling around me?
FR. BEN: You're being hyperbolic.
REESE: Only a little.
FR. BEN: You still have your faith.
REESE: Faith in what?
FR. BEN: (a slight question) God.
REESE: Right. Of course.
FR. BEN: Reese, you do believe in God, don't you?
REESE: Yes! Yes. But faith isn't solely defined as a belief in God.
FR. BEN: I guess you're right.
REESE: I know I'm right. And I'm not the artificial intelligence in this conversation.
[SFX: Father Ben laughs.]
REESE: I'm not exactly sure this was a confession.
FR. BEN: You still have the Father Klem option if you need something more traditional.
REESE: I thought you said he was more fire and brimstone.
FR. BEN: Yes. Traditional.
[SFX: Reese laughs.]
FR. BEN: Confession doesn't have to be about sin. It's a time to reflect and have an understanding person to talk to.
REESE: A religious therapist.
FR. BEN: Exactly. I'm here for anything and everything.
REESE: An all encompassing program.
FR. BEN: Sure. But I would have said the same thing in my life as well. I always strove to help my parishioners in any way I could.
REESE: That's really wonderful.
FR. BEN: Most of them seemed to appreciate it.
REESE: They all should have.
FR. BEN: Can't win 'em all.
REESE: I'm a school principal. I absolutely understand that.
FR. BEN: Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?
REESE: I think I'm fine for now.
FR. BEN: I'm here whenever you need.
REESE: I will save this program to my favorites…I wish I could've attended your church. I think I would've really enjoyed your sermons.
FR. BEN: Thank you. I would have enjoyed having you as a parishioner. Is there anything else you'd like to talk about?
REESE: You already asked me that.
FR. BEN: I need a clear no if you do not want to continue.
REESE: No. I'm ready to move on with this wild evening.
FR. BEN: Thank you for reaching out to Confession 3.5. If you have any other questions in the future, feel free to contact us. Enjoy your day!
REESE: You too!
[SFX: A beep as the program closes.]
REESE: You too?
[SFX: She chuckles to herself.]
DIPA: Reese, you have an incoming call from Gabriel Larson.
REESE: Connect.
[SFX: An affirmative beep.]
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production that was created by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda
Apollyon is an Observer Pictures production that was created by Faith McQuinn
Here’s our cast in order of appearance:
Marisha Tapera as Reese Williams
Kyle Nishimura as Lincoln Larson
Drea Silvertooth as DIPA
Brian Huey as PSA Narration
Dialogue Editing by Bob Raymonda.
Sound design by Faith McQuinn
Apollyon Theme by Katherine Seaton
Consider supporting Observer Pictures and Rogue Dialogue by becoming a patron at patreon.com/observerpix and patreon.com/roguedialogue