Episode transcript - “around the town: Ex-pun-tations”

[SFX: Typical 'creepy graveyard' sounds: tense bells, an owl hooting, whispering wind]

ISABEL: Where—where am I?

ISABEL: Oh, a dream. Heh, you think you can scare me, subconscious? I work in a graveyard! Let it rip!

ISABEL: A casket? Let me guess. Inside is my own rotting corpse.

ISABEL: Nailed it. Though…by the look of things, it's probably best I get cremated. At least I get a smoking-hot body in the end, am I right?

DREAM DALISAY: (Sinister voice) I'm not you, you fool.

ISABEL: Huh?

DREAM DALISAY: You impersonated me to my family.

ISABEL: You're…Dalisay Rosales.

DREAM DALISAY: (Normal tone) Sort of. I'm more like a manifestation of your fears and trauma. Anyway! (Sinister voice) Just because my family invites you to things doesn't mean they REALLY like you! You're just a stand-in.

ISABEL: That's not true.

DREAM DALISAY: Isn't it? The only reason you met them is because little Jorge couldn't tell me and you apart. You don't deserve their affection. You might as well be in the casket yourself!

[SFX: Wind whoosh, indicating that Isabel has been trapped in the casket]

ISABEL: Hey! Let me out! (SFX: Bangs on the casket door)

DREAM DALISAY: What's the matter? Feeling scared of your subconscious now? Or should I say…a-Freud?

[SFX: Isabel screams, which blends with her phone ringing. Isabel gasps awake. She rummages around to find her phone.]

ISABEL: H-hello?

MARIAH: Hey, Isabel!

ISABEL: Hi Mariah.

MARIAH: You okay?

ISABEL: Why do you ask?

MARIAH: For starters, you didn't greet me with a pun. That's usually your first order of business.

ISABEL: Well, excuse me if I don't live up to your ex-pun-tations.

MARIAH: There it is. But seriously, are you alright?

ISABEL: Just a nightmare. Occupational hazard of working with dead bodies, I guess.

MARIAH: Is that why grave-digging's a dying profession?

ISABEL: Ha!

MARIAH: Yeah, you're rubbing off on me. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you I'll be dropping Jorge off at the cemetery office around 3.

ISABEL: Oh…yeah. I definitely remembered that was today.

MARIAH: And I totally had faith in that, which is why I called you.

ISABEL: Heh, you guys are getting to know me too well. But Mariah? You sure this is a good idea? Don't you have like 80 relatives who could babysit Jorge on your date tonight?

MARIAH: None that he incessantly asks to hang out with.

ISABEL: You don't think he's still…projecting his grandma onto me?

MARIAH: Nah.

ISABEL: But-

MARIAH: He already said bye to his grandma, Isabel. And he likes you for you—all of us do. I wouldn't worry about it.

ISABEL: If you say so. See you at 3?

MARIAH: See you.

[SFX: Isabel ends the call. We cut to her later that day in the cemetery, waiting outside for Jorge. A car pulls up. The door opens, and Jorge rushes out.]

JORGE: Graveyard lady!

ISABEL: Hey, kid! Oof! (Buckling at his hug)

MARIAH: (From the car window) Don't push Isabel, Jorge!

JORGE: Sorry, Mama!

MARIAH: Isabel, I'll pick up Jorge 8ish?

ISABEL: Sure. Guess I'll see you l-eight-er, then!

MARIAH: Like I said, I really appreci-eight it!

JORGE: (Whining) Mama!

MARIAH: Okay, okay. Bye, Isabel. Paalam, Jorge. Be good.

[SFX: Mariah drives away.]

ISABEL: Alright, kid, it's just you and me now. I'm mostly on supervising duty, so, what do you want to do?

JORGE: Bury a dead body!

ISABEL: Unfortunately, no one's died lately.

[SFX: Jorge falls on the ground]

ISABEL: (In a tone much accustomed to this) And what are you doing down there?

JORGE: I'm a dead body you can bury!

ISABEL: Make-believe it is, then.

[SFX: If it's possible, fun montage music would be nice here, like from the “Code Blue” episode or this]

ISABEL: (Growling, waking up noises)

JORGE: (Gasps) A mummy!

ISABEL: Who dares wake me from my sleep beneath the pyramids?

JORGE: I'm Dr Dinglejims, the best archeologist in the world! And I'm here to take your treasure!

ISABEL: Not my treasure!

JORGE: What are you gonna do about it?

ISABEL: Mummify you!

JORGE: Ahhh!

[SFX: Jorge laughing as he runs]

JORGE: [Hissing sounds]

ISABEL: Oh no, a vampire out for my blood!

JORGE: Nuh-uh. I'm an aswang!

ISABEL: What's an aswang?

JORGE: A cooler version of a vampire! I'm here to eat your intestines!

ISABEL: Oh no, an aswang out for my intestines!

[SFX: Jorge screeching]

JORGE: Uh…what are you supposed to be?

ISABEL: Isn't it obvious? I'm a- (SFX: Isabel accidentally cracks her back)

JORGE: A skeleton!

ISABEL: Y-yeah, let's go with that.

[SFX: Montage music should end around here]

JORGE: Brains! Give me brains!

ISABEL: It's getting pretty late, kid. Let’s pack up and get dinner.

JORGE: Will it be braaaains?

ISABEL: Why not?

JORGE: And jellyyyyyyworms?

ISABEL: (Reluctantly) Whatever you want.

JORGE: Mmmmm. (Tentatively) Isabel, before we go, could we please play one more make-believe?

ISABEL: Just one. And for the sake of my back, no chasing.

JORGE: Okay. (Pause.) Can you pretend to be my lola again?

ISABEL: What?

JORGE: Just for a little bit.

ISABEL: Um…Jorge, I'm not…

JORGE: I know it's just make-believe. But there's something I really, really wanted to tell her.

ISABEL: And I'm the closest thing?

JORGE: Uh-huh. I promise it'll be just this once.

ISABEL: Alright, then. If that's who you need. (SFX: She clears her throat) Hi, Jorge. Nice to see my favorite grandchild. (Jorge giggles.) What'd you want to tell me?

JORGE: Um. Last time, when we made chocolate pandesal…I stole the last piece!

ISABEL: Oh.

JORGE: You were asking and asking who did it, but I didn't fess up. And then you were gone. I already told Father Ben, and he said that counts, but it didn't feel right not telling you. So, I'm sorry.

ISABEL: That's okay, Jorge. I know you've learned your lesson. Is…that all?

JORGE: Uh-huh. Wait! Can I have one more hug?

ISABEL: Of course. (SFX: They hug)

JORGE: Thanks for sending the graveyard lady, Lola. She's the coolest.

ISABEL: (Voice cracking) Anytime.

JORGE: I'll catch you later in heaven. Paalam. (Pause.) Okay, graveyard lady, I'm ready for my brains!