Episode transcript - “go wills!”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Season 4, Episode 10: Go Wills!
[SFX: The crunch of leaves on the ground as Klem and Ben make their way up the driveway to Tom and Emily’s house.]
FR. BEN: Can you hurry up? It’s 12:50, I think we’re the last people here.
FR. KLEM: I am NOT spilling this. It took me five…
FR. BEN: (Interrupting) Five hours… I’m aware.
FR. KLEM: It is not every day I get to share my favorite dish… I am even willing to suffer through these gods damned Buffalo Williams to do it.
FR. BEN: Yeah, yeah Saint Paul, always the martyr…how does a German man who spent his whole life in Western New York end up a Miami Manatees fan anyway?
FR. KLEM: I have always related to the sea cow. An intelligent creature that is often underestimated and viewed as comic relief, but when you think about it, they really steal the show.
FR. BEN: What show?
FR. KLEM: All the world’s a stage Benji, even the Florida Gulf.
FR. BEN: Just keep your manatee talk to a minimum around these Wills fans, alright?
[SFX: The sound of the bell, then David the Pig scampering and honking]
TOM: (Behind the door) Sit David! David... Good Pig.
[SFX: Door opens and sound of the room inside grows a bit]
TOM: Father Ben, great to see you! (mock coldness) Ah and I see you brought the enemy to our party.
FR. KLEM: I was just explaining to Benji how our team may be named after a sea cow but your imitation Shatners are no match for their speed.
TOM: (calling into the room, jokingly) Emily! How game are you for me to slam the door on an elderly priest?!
EMILY: (shouting from a distance) NOT. GAME.
TOM: (sighs) Alright get in before I gain a backbone.
FR. KLEM: Evolution can take millions of years my boy.
TOM: Huh?
[SFX: Walking inside and the door closes behind them, the sounds of outside dying as the TV grows louder. I’ll make a secondary script for the TV broadcast audio. Another option could be honestly to fully improv this?]
FR. BEN: Ignore him.
FR. KLEM: Yes yes, ignore the old man. Now please Thomas, where can I set down my dip?
TOM: Oh! My mom was telling me about this. A German 7-layer dip?
FR. KLEM: German 7-layer? Heaven and hells my boy the 7-layer dip is a pale tex-mex impression of my traditional EIGHT layer dip.
FR. BEN: Oh boy, prepare for a lecture now Tom. I’m heading to the couch.
[SFX: As Ben walks away we hear the below dialogue of Klem lecturing Tom on his dip fade into the distance. The TV gets slightly louder as Ben gets closer.]
FR. BEN: Hi everyone!
LUKE: Father Ben! Tom said you were coming.
FR. BEN: Hey Luke! Sydney.
SYDNEY: Hey Ben! Archie, can you say hi to Ben?
ARCHIE: Hi Ben! (I’ll get Milo for this)
SYDNEY: I was actually just about to get up and put our friend here down for a nap. Why don’t you take my seat before David here does?
[SFX: Pig sounds.]
FR. BEN: That’s too kind of you. (Ben starts to sit but David rushed in front) Ooof
EMILY: David, sit! Sorry about that, Father. With the new baby a certain someone has been acting out a lot lately.
FR. BEN: It’s alright, totally normal for house pets from what I hear. It’s great to see you, thanks for having me over and letting me bring Klem.
EMILY: Oh he’s been over to our house for Wills vs Manatees games for years. He’s basically been yelling at our TV a couple times a year for as long as I can remember.
FR. BEN: Really? I had no idea.
EMILY: Yeah well my Mom and Dad stopped hosting people for games a couple years before they broke up, but we’re excited to pick up the tradition.
FR. BEN: Well I’m honored to be a part of it.
EMILY: We’re glad to have you.
FR. BEN: Where’s the little one?
EMILY: Up in her room, sleeping away. Here you can see her on the monitor.
FR. BEN: Oh my gosh, she’s so precious.
EMILY: I know right? Thanks, she’s a lot of fun.
JOE: (Yelling as he walks into the room.) TWO Minutes till gametime! Stop your chatter and park your butts.
[SFX: Laughing from a distance.]
DARLA: This isn’t your courtroom Joe, hell it isn’t even your house! Your darling wife and I will be over in a minute.
EMILY: (To Joe) I told you they’d hit it off if you gave it a chance, dad.
JOE: What has my life become?
EMILY: (scolding with a hint of a smile) A hell of a lot better than the last time you and Fr. Ben were both at this house.
JOE: (sighs warmly) Point taken. Father, good to see you’re also a man of taste when it comes to football.
FR. BEN: (laughs) Tonawanda born and raised, I don’t know much about football but you have no choice but to be a Wills fan where I’m from.
JOE: Good man.
TOM: Did it start?! I had to distract Fr. Klem by showing him my VR headset so I could get him to shut up about his dip. Uh… I mean… sorry Fr. Ben he just wouldn’t…
FR. BEN: (laughs) Trust me I get it.
JOE: Shhh! They are kicking off. Go Wills everyone!
ANNOUNCER: and the game is underway! The ball is kicked through the endzone and Wills start with the ball on their own 30. The quarterback today is Bosh Allen, hailing from Idaho he leads the league in passing yards but hasn’t quite faced the test that this fast Manatee defense would pose.
[SFX: fades out]
[SFX: Fades in]
ANNOUNCER: And we’ve reached the end of the first quarter. Your score is all tied at 7 for each team. We’re sending it down to our sideline reporter Veronica Twardy, Veronica?
SIDELINE REPORTER: Hey Luther, I had the chance to talk to Coach McDonald at the break and he said the team just really needed to find themselves here in the second quarter. He’s brought a hand mirror out on the field and is having each player give themselves an affirmation before stepping back out.
ANNOUNCER: Fascinating stuff, eh Rodney?
COLOR ANNOUNCER: Sure is, Luther.
TOM: (Eating) Honestly this dip is unbelievable, Father, I'm sorry for being rude about it earlier.
FR. KLEM: (laughing) Careful there young man, I put more salt into that dish than you can get in the entire city of Syracuse.
TOM: (Still eating) I’m a grown man, I know my limits!
DARLA: Ben, I wanted to say quickly, while it’s the commercial so nobody can complain.
JOE: I wasn’t gonna say anything!
DARLA: Sure, Joe.
TOM: Can you believe these two got divorced? Always so nice to each other.
EMILY: Tom!
TOM: What!
DARLA: Oh he’s right, Joe you’re a hell of a lot more fun to mess with when I’m not sharing a house with you sulking around afterward.
JOE: (snorts) It’s a hell of a lot easier to take too, D.
EMILY: Whatever weird phase of divorce this is I hope it passes soon.
DARLA: Anyway, while my adult daughter processes her feelings, I wanted to say I’m sorry you’ve had to put up with so much crap this year from those AofA jerks.
JOE: I heard they were still making a mess for you.
FR. BEN: It’s fine honestly… they’re part of the church so I just have to work with them. Jesus said to love thy neighbor, didn’t he?
TOM: (eating) He certainly did but he didn’t mention just how big of assholes some of these neighbors could be.
FR. BEN: (laughs) Jesus pretty famously didn’t discriminate against buttholes, that’s for sure.
DARLA: Mature perspective as usual Ben.
EMILY: And a bs one for sure.
TOM: Emily!
EMILY: (chuckles) Since when were you the spouse worried about saying the wrong thing?
TOM: I just saw an opportunity to be the classy one for once. But also calling bullshit on a priest is wild even for me.
EMILY: I’m right, though! Father, there is no way you’re just content with having to deal with these jerks.
DARLA: Emily dear, don’t press him, he’s got enough to deal with as it is.
FR. BEN: (laughs) Nah you know what? You’re totally right Emily. I cannot stand them, they are bad faith weirdos with the kind of prideful, self-serving attitude that accounts for the majority of evils our church and probably our entire species is responsible for.
EMILY: Damn! Just when I think I couldn’t like you more father.
LUKE: (laughing) Wow Ben, tell us how you really feel.
SYDNEY: Come on Luke, we’ve been around those guys enough to know they’re terrible!
LUKE: Oh I agree, just not used to this side of you Ben. Never saw you get this spicy back in Binghamton.
FR. BEN: (Laughs) Just trying to let myself be a bit more open with my feelings these days.
SYDNEY: So you’ll admit now Fr. Antonio was also an uptight ass?
FR. BEN: (chuckles) He’s far from the worst priest I’ve met, but he was definitely a thorn in my side.
LUKE: Back to his classy self.
FR. BEN: Okay, okay… he was a real douchebag!
LUKE: Yes! Peer pressure!
JOE: Okay enough playing berate the priest, the games back on.
ANNOUNCER: The Manatees will start with the ball on their own 40 after a short punt by Billy Bigfoot. They come out in a heavy formation, a real change in approach for them…
[SFX: Fade out.]
ANNOUNCER: And we’ve reached the midway point. Halftime here at Major American Insurance Company Stadium. What a half so far, eh Randy. The Manatees had a cow of a second quarter racking up 14 unanswered points. The Wills aren’t out of this, but need to come out of the half with some momentum.
EMILY: Well that STUNK.
TOM: I hate this godforsaken team.
JOE: I’m going to call the ticket office and see if I can get the coach fired.
DARLA: Some things never change. Ben there are beers in the fridge if you need to drown your sorrows in BPR.
FR. BEN: (Stands up) That’s probably a good idea. Need anything?
DARLA: No but check on Lexi. She’s out back playing fetch with the pig.
EMILY: He has a name, Mom.
DARLA: I’m aware of David’s name, daughter. Anyway our beloved family member David doesn’t always know when to stop and I left Lexi back there before the game even started.
FR. BEN: (Laughs) I’ll pop my head out back.
[SFX: Ben walks to the kitchen, opens the fridge, grabs a can of beer that he cracks open. He goes to the screen door and opens it.]
FR. KLEM: (loudly talking) I really think it could work!
LEXI: (Laughing) I love your passion, but I just don’t think it’d play with the crowd in town. I’ve made a lot of headway keeping things more traditional.
FR. KLEM: But what is more traditional than schnitzel? Chicken and donuts is a done thing but the German flavors could bring a whole new dynamic.
LEXI: Listen, why don’t you prepare some and swing by the shop in the evening. We can fry the schnitzel in with some donuts and have a taste test.
FR. KLEM: (emotional) You would do that for this old man. I could weep!
FR. BEN: Is this man bothering you?
LEXI: Absolutely, but he’s charming enough that I don’t mind.
FR. KLEM: As good with compliments as you are with pastry. Enough to make a man question his vows.
LEXI: (scoffs mirthfully) Is that a mistress joke or a celibacy joke?
FR. KLEM: Well… yes.
LEXI: (snorts) You’re terrible. Now why don’t you go inside and watch your beloved Sea Cows before I change my mind about our schnitzel donut party.
FR. KLEM: (feigning sadness) But I’m so enjoying watching you throw a ball to this pig.
LEXI: Get out of here you weirdo.
FR. KLEM: I’m moving, I’m moving.
LEXI: Care to hang out for a minute? It’s Ben, right?
FR. BEN: That’s me, and you’re Joe’s new wife… Lexi?
LEXI: That’s me, mind if I smoke?
FR. BEN: Not at all.
LEXI: (lights her cigarette) Well, the one thing I’d say is we have another acquaintance aside from Joe.
FR. BEN: Uh… I believe so too.
LEXI: Olivia’s become a good friend this past year.
FR. BEN: Oh really? That’s interesting, I don’t know her well, but she’s a great private eye.
LEXI: She is talented, and smart, and loyal. She’s also open with people she trusts… something I think you know about her as well.
FR. BEN: I can’t say that…
LEXI: Suffice it to say I know pretty much her whole life story these days, the whole… thing.
FR. BEN: Oh… I see…
LEXI: And look, I’d never judge her. From what she told me about her past, the romances she’s had, they sound pretty magical, even the ones that ended with her alone at a train station.
FR. BEN: Lexi I…
LEXI: And I’d never even judge her partners, or share their private details with anyone else because I’m a loyal friend and that doesn't do anyone any good.
FR. BEN: Got it… so why did you…
LEXI: Why am I telling you this? Well lately whenever we hang out my dear friend is checking her phone with the energy of a teen in love.
FR. BEN: Oh…
LEXI: Damn right, oh… listen I am willing to forgive the past of people who have hurt my friend if she is… but I also told her I’d be breaking some bones if somebody that hurt her ever tried that crap again.
FR. BEN: Got it…
LEXI: Good, because after the drama Joe and Emily have dealt with the past year the last thing they need is for me to put their family priest into the ER.
FR. BEN: We’re just friends Lexi…
LEXI: Never easy being just friends with somebody you loved so much you’d have thrown your life to the wind for them.
FR. BEN: Come on I…
LEXI: Not saying it’s impossible, but it sure as hell aint easy. Can you blame a lady for giving a warning?
FR. BEN: (chuckles) It’s a fair point. I see why she likes you so much.
LEXI: From what Emily and Tom tell me, I’d say the same for you.
FR. BEN: Not Joe though, I’d take it.
LEXI: He’s come around, seems like the theme of his whole life these days is coming around to things.
FR. BEN: From what Emily and Tom tell me a lot of that is your doing.
LEXI: (snorts) People change themselves. I just love the stubborn old judge, warts and all.
FR. BEN: That’s nice to hear. Speaking of Joe, I better get inside. Don’t want to be making a racket sitting down once the half starts.
LEXI: (hurls a ball, David squeals chasing it) I’ll be inside in a sec, just gotta convince this porker to come with me.
FR. BEN: See you in a few Lexi, thanks for the chat.
LEXI: Anytime.
[MIDROLL AD-BREAK]
[SFX: Fade out then in on ben opening the sliding door to the kitchen.]
FR. BEN: (Lets out a sigh, then hollers) Anyone need a drink while I'm in the kitchen?!
FR. KLEM: (from the other room) I’ll take a Demented Tea!
FR. BEN: (to himself) Of course, you will.
FR. KLEM: (still far away) I heard that!
FR. BEN: (yelling back) Of course, you did!
ANNOUNCER: And we’ve reached the final two minutes. The Wills find themselves down two points with the ball at their own 30. Time for some quarterback magic?
COLOR COMMENTATOR: This team always puts it on his back, can’t see why that would change here.
ANNOUNCER: Don’t change that dial we’ll be back after a few more messages.
FR. BEN: (walking into the room) I can’t believe how close this game is.
JOE: SHHHHH!
FR. BEN: (whispering) it’s crazy though right? Don’t the Wills always win these?
LUKE: I think they’ve won the last five times they’ve played, yeah. All because of that QB, Miami can’t stop him.
FR. KLEM: Dear heavenly father, please let this be the game these damned Sea Cows can get a win, please your holiness I want to see the look on the face of this miserable judge when the Wills lose.
LEXI: (walking in the room) Father are you leveraging your proximity to the God to try and get a stop on defense?
FR. KLEM: Why dear Lexi, does that seem out of character?
LEXI: I’ve known you for thirty-minutes, but I’d say it’s right in line with everything else I’ve seen so far. Are there any seats anywhere?
DARLA: Here take mine.
LEXI: I couldn’t…
DARLA: Oh no, I insist, I want to get more of Klem’s confusingly good dip…
JOE: SHHHHHH (realizing who he is shushing) I mean sorry, you’re fine, keep talking…
DARLA: Damn straight I am.
[SFX: Lexi and Darla share a slightly strained laugh.]
DARLA: Ben sit down, why not join your favorite family to finish the game?
BEN: Oh I’m fine standing…
EMILY: If the floor is fine for me, it’s fine for you! Grab a couch pillow and pop a squat.
BEN: Oh.. ok sure, Emily. Gosh you could cut the tension in here with a knife.
[SFX: Whistles in the game.]
FR. KLEM: Yes!
JOE and TOM: Oh come on!
TOM: Jinx!
JOE: Shut up Tom.
TOM: Right! Sorry!
FR. BEN: What was that?
LUKE: It’s an illegal shift, see a player can’t move before the snap…
FR. BEN: Wasn’t that one guy running? Why would he do that?
LUKE: Sorry, yeah, so some players can move, including that Wide Receiver.
FR. BEN: So that guy can move… but the penalty was on him… for moving?
LUKE: I’m doing a terrible job at explaining this.
SYDNEY: (interrupting) They can move left to right pre-snap, that’s call motion, the second they turn to face the other team though they need to stop. Some teams try and cheat this to get a running start and then it’s a penalty.
FR. BEN: Oh… I guess that makes sense.
SYDNEY: Football’s a convoluted mess of a sport but my dad was a football dork and made me play that video game Badden with him all the time. Now I’m stuck with an undying love for this dumb team and so is Luke.
LUKE: I just feel bad for Archie…
SYDNEY: Poor kid isn’t gonna have a choice.
JOE: SHHH!!
EMILY: (Quickly, almost as an aside) Shut up Dad, it’s a commercial. (To Luke and Sydney) You’re gonna make Archie root for the Wills?
LUKE: (laughs) Yeah, we agreed there were two things we’d force on this kid: kindness and the Wills.
TOM: (Laughs) Not even gonna say religion for the priests sake?
LUKE: (A little sheepish) Uh I mean, we talked about this with Ben in baptism class. It’s just not something we think can be forced?
EMILY: (Playfully) Not like your beloved football team?
LUKE: (Jokingly) It builds character!
DARLA: One might say Catholicism builds character…
TOM: Damn! Darla from the top rope!
LUKE: (Embarrassed and trying not to be defensive) I mean… I’m not, like, serious about the Wills thing…
SYDNEY: (Jokingly) I am, no kid of mine is going to root for the damn Manatees. He can choose if or how he prays as long as he doesn’t grow up to be a jerk though.
LUKE: (Laughs) Yeah what she said.
EMILY: I’m just a little surprised… I mean you bring him to church, you’re not gonna tell him God is real?
FR. KLEM: This is a long commercial break!
JOE and FR. BEN: You’re telling me.
TOM: Look Emily, you harshed everyone’s vibe so much you got the Judge and the Priest finishing each other’s…
EMILY: Shut up Tom.
TOM: Right.
EMILY: Luke, Syd, I didn’t mean anything by it, I’m just curious is all. We kind of look at you two as a model for us since you’re doing everything right before we have to go through it.
SYDNEY: That’s sweet Em, and no offense taken. I’m as blunt as you girl, why do you think we get along?
TOM: It’s true though! We’re basically doing the parenting version of a cover song when it comes to our own kid.
LUKE: Come on Tom, you two are killing it on your own.
EMILY: Honestly, we didn't know to set the bath to a certain temperature until you got us the tub with the thermometer on it.
SYDNEY: Isn’t that thing the best?
EMILY: It rocks so hard, but my point is just we respect you two a lot and so to hear you say you’re not forcing Catholicism… it just makes me wonder… why?
JOE: GAME IS BACK ON!
ANNOUNCER: We’re back from the two minute warning, the Wills have the ball at their own 30 yard line. The Quarterback is the lone setback with everyone else out-wide in empty.
COLOR GUY: He’s really been on a heater but the pressure is on now.
ANNOUNCER: He snaps the ball, drops back to throw. They’re chasing him out of the pocket and he bails right. He’s pointing, has a man downfiellllld!
LUKE: Ahhh!
ANNOUNCER: It’s INCOMPLETE.
JOE: Damnit!
COLOR GUY: What a throw but he took a massive hit trying to make something out of that play.
ANNOUNCER: He is on the ground writhing in pain, clutching what appears to be his… butt?
COLOR GUY: In 30 years I can’t remember seeing anything like this? Can you?
ANNOUNCER: Not in my memory looking back it does appear the defender lowered his shoulder quite low to avoid any contact with the head and neck area.
COLOR GUY: Great form on the tackle no doubt about it, but the soft vulnerable area of this QB’s posterior fell victim.
ANNOUNCER: And the site no Will’s fan wants to see, the cart being brought out.
COLOR GUY: And they’ve got a stretcher with a hole cut out of for the affected area, not a great sign.
ANNOUNCER: We’ll cut away to our sponsors and be back shortly
FR. KLEM: What a damn brutal play.
DARLA: Don’t try to act all pious about this injury Klem, we know your game.
FR. KLEM: I may be a Catholic Priest, but I’m still afraid of karmic retribution. I wish nothing but the best for your little quarterback.
TOM: Yeah yeah… there was more action in this room anyway. So what’s the deal with no Jesus for Archie?
LUKE: (Laughs) We’re going to bring him to church and tell him what we believe, but we’re not going to tell him it’s right.
SYDNEY: Exactly, I mean hell I think we can all understand we’re Catholics because of situation more than any divine reason, if I was born in South Carolina I think you could bet money on me being a Methodist.
EMILY: Did your parents raise you that way? (snarkily) Mine certainly didn’t…
JOE: Hey!
DARLA: Ah whatever Joe, Emily’s right. We never really encouraged exploration.
JOE: (chuckles) And we wound up with Tom anyway.
TOM: Hey!
DARLA: And we love you, Tom.
SYDNEY: But yeah mine neither? I think it’s normal we just don’t want to make the inevitable questions Archie will have to feel like some kind of betrayal. Just let him decide…
DARLA: He’ll decide his faith the second he realizes it gets him out of mass.
TOM: Depends on who's doing the homily, eh Ben!
FR. BEN: Ha. Ha. Tom.
FR. KLEM: I have been told my homilies were always a hit for the kids.
JOE: Because they were as long as their attention spans.
FR. KLEM: Touché Joe.
LUKE: But seriously, we’ll still bring him to Mass till he’s old enough to make his own decisions. We’re not going to get a babysitter just for him to get out of a boring 60 minutes.
SYDNEY: Stuff like confirmation though? I feel like the kid should get a say. More than I did at least.
EMILY: That seems fair?
TOM: Was Father Ben pissed when you told him? Father Ben, were you pissed?
FR. BEN: Told what? Sorry I was analyzing this strange Bolgers coffee commercial, pretending to be somewhere else.
TOM: Oh come on you were listenin…
FR. BEN: Games back on!
ANNOUNCER: And we’re back! While on break we did hear from our sideline team who were able to get in touch with the Will’s coach. When asked about the quarterback’s injury he said simply “he broke his ass”
COLOR: Four words no fan ever wants to hear.
ANNOUNCER: WELL ANYWAY back to football. The Wills still have the ball at their own 30 yard line with their hopes all but dashed without their star QB.
COLOR: Gotta play every second of the game but this one is likely kaput.
ANNOUNCER: The backup qb, Dingle Bevus, drops back to pass. Bevus with a quick pass to the running back, he breaks a tackle and gets to the edge he’s up to the 40, he’s crossed midfield and still going and tackled down at the Manatee 40 yard line.
COLOR: You can see the Wills coach sprinting to take a time-out.
ANNOUNCER: And with that congratulations on another time out as we turn two minutes of football into a full hour of beer and gambling ads.
TOM: So?
EMILY: Tom let him be, he’s here to relax. He already had to say mass today.
FR. BEN: It’s fine. The truth is, Tom. When I look at the Bible and consider all the points it makes about parenting? One thing rings true for me on this subject.
TOM: What’s that?
FR. BEN: (chuckling) I don’t really give a shit.
TOM: Woah!!!
LUKE: (laughs) Damn!
FR. KLEM: (chortling but a bit wary) Benji, that’s my line! You feeling alright?
FR. BEN: Oh, I’m great, I just mean, they’re your kids.
DARLA: I’m a bit surprised to hear this! I always took you as a good priest for families.
FR. BEN: Thanks Darla, don’t get me wrong. My job is to support families growing up in the church, not to tell you exactly how to do it. I think most young parents have enough people telling them how to do their jobs, wouldn't you say?
TOM: He’s got you there Darla!
DARLA: Well I can appreciate that, though I’d say claiming you ‘don’t give a shit’ is a bit flippant for what you really feel.
FR. BEN: (Laughs) I guess so, just been in a bit more flippant of a mood these last few months.
LUKE: (laughs) I wonder why?
SYDNEY: I bet I can think of a whole armada of reasons…
FR. BEN: No need to burn down the energy in this room now.
TOM: Ohhh! Ben you are on fire today!
FR. BEN: (laughs) Too soon.
JOE: Game is back on!
EMILY: Ben want to grab a drink with me in the kitchen? My mouth is dry from the anxiety this game is giving me.
FR. BEN: Sure Emily.
[SFX: They walk into the kitchen.]
EMILY: Hey I just wanted to say sorry, we seriously invited you as a friend and not to drag you into another religious argument.
FR. BEN: Hey it’s ok…
EMILY: I love my Tom but the guy can’t help himself if he sees a glaring red button that says “don’t push.”
FR. BEN: People underestimate your husband, I think he’s a great guy, but no… I would not trust him with the nuclear codes.
EMILY: (Laughs) You’re alright, though?
FR. BEN: With tonight? Oh it’s a blast, refreshing and I feel way more like a part of the group.
EMILY: In general?
FR. BEN: I’m good, I’m… good.
EMILY: (unconvinced) Yeah?
FR. BEN: Yeah. Definitely trying to spin a lot of plates for the church but hey, I’m doing it my own way and that’s worth something right?
EMILY: Sure, your job is really thankless, you know that?
FR. BEN: I sit in a gilded chair every sunday and people kneel when I tell them to.
EMILY: Yeah but you live in a 2 bedroom apartment with a 75 year old that has a video game addiction.
FR. BEN: (laughs) Truly a one of a kind life.
EMILY: I’m just saying Ben, Tom and I talk all the time about how you’re a great friend. We hope you see us that way too.
FR. BEN: Oh I do! I’m just figuring out how to be somebody’s friend these days.
EMILY: Sounds like a trip.
FR. BEN: (Laughs) It is.
EMILY: Don’t try too hard though, you’re already doing the friend thing pretty well. I’m gonna go back in there.
FR. BEN: Didn’t you want a seltzer or something?
EMILY: Nah, I just came in here to grill ya, I got a full can of La Boix on the coffee table.
FR. BEN: (chuckles) I won’t keep you then, I’m gonna grab a (starts looking in the fridge) can of something…
EMILY: (interrupting) Ben, do whatever you want. As a wise man once said: I don’t really give a shit.
FR. BEN: (laughs) Burn!
[SFX: Sound fades back to the TV.]
ANNOUNCER: We’re back. No star QB, no timeouts and the game on the line for the Wills and the ball on the 40.
COLOR: Even with the last play it’ll still take a miracle for this team to survive without their QB, he’s the whole dang offense!
ANNOUNCER: Bevis drops back, hands the ball off to the running back. He hits the hole and gets the back to the 30, the 20, the 10, 5 Touchdown!!! The Wills are going to win it! A team that is so built around their quarterback won on a two-play 80 yard drive with the big guy sidelined.
COLOR: Just unbelievable. What a day to be a Wills fan, horrible for those out here rooting for the Sea Cows.
ANNOUNCER: That’s right, when the going gets tough sometimes it’s about more than one player, it sure was today. Folks, have a good night and thank you for watching. For Bart Moon, I’m Warren Star signing off.
FR. KLEM: What a pointless, stupid game.
[SFX: Forgive Me! end credit music starts to play.]