Episode transcript - “it’s just his hip”

ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Season 4, Episode 6: It’s Just His Hip

[SFX: Jenna sits in the confessional, whistling to herself softly. She sounds a bit sad. Fr. Ben opens the curtain on the other side, and sits, surprised to notice that someone has beat him there.]

FR. BEN: Hello? Is somebody over there?

JENNA: Um… yes. Hi, Father.

FR. BEN: Oh! Jenna, I’ve gotta be honest, I never expected to hear your voice in here again.

JENNA: You and me both.

FR. BEN: (knowing) How’s everything going over there? With Bill.

JENNA: Honestly, pretty fantastic all things considered. Due in no small part to how much you and Fr. Klem have spent time with him since his accident.

FR. BEN: (soft) He’s a wonderful man, your partner’s father. He’d do the same for either of us. As a matter of fact, he did help out with Fr. Klem at the home after his heart attack. Repaying the favor was the right thing to do.

JENNA: It meant a lot to Shannon. To me, too, obviously. But especially to her.

FR. BEN: How is she holding up?

JENNA: It’s… definitely a lot. She has so much guilt, you know, about…

FR. BEN: Not being around for Sue, when she passed.

JENNA: Yeah.

FR. BEN: If it makes her feel any better, I was at Bill’s first few appointments. And the doctors were all shocked at how damn healthy he is. And strong as a damn ox to boot, just maybe a little more fragile than he used to be.

JENNA: (serious) A little more fragile? He shattered his femur, working on that damn boat of his. With nobody around to help him, and not a single smart device in sight. Do you know how long he was on the ground there?

FR. BEN: I do. George Noonan, the postal worker, was on his route that day and found Bill crawling from the garage to the front door. It… wasn’t pretty.

JENNA: And yet! The speed at which this man is bouncing back is genuinely superhuman. There’s a lot of therapy he’s got ahead of him, but…

FR. BEN: Bill is not one to sit still. Not unless he’s reading the paper, or fishing. The man loves to tinker.

JENNA: (grumbles) So does his daughter.

FR. BEN: I’d imagine being with the two of them, together, for this long of a period of time has been… interesting?

JENNA: That’s certainly one way to put it.

FR. BEN: It’s been good for him, though. Having you both around. Klem jokes that the only reason he’s doing this well is because he can’t stop trying to show off for that daughter of his. It’s clearly done a lot for morale.

JENNA: I know… I’m really glad that we’ve been able to be here for him. We’re lucky, being able to work entirely remote for this long is an uncertain luxury these days. I just can’t help but feel…

FR. BEN: Insufferably bored?

JENNA: (chuckles) How’d you know?

FR. BEN: I’ve never had the luxury of living in New York City for any meaningful stretch of time, but I did do a semester of seminary in Manhattan. It was… tough to come back home after that. To say the least.

JENNA: It’s so quiet here. Have you ever noticed that? But also, insufferably loud? Like. Sure, there isn’t incessant honking, or loud bars across from our apartment full of screaming drunk people until 2 a.m., but have you heard the crickets around here? I swear to god, they’re constantly screeching at each other, all night long! It’s like, c’mon guy, I get that screaming into the void from time to time rules but some of us have to be up in the morning.

FR. BEN: (tickled) I grew up here, so I don’t really notice them so much. But I understand the culture shock.

JENNA: (sigh) It’s fine. I’m getting used to it. I just miss home. I miss our grumpy landlord and our dog park and that really incredible Sri Lankan spot we used to order from every Tuesday. I miss wash and fold laundry, and I miss bars that stay open all night long, even if we didn’t really go to those anymore. I just miss the possibility of going to one. Here people just…

FR. BEN: Drink a lot of Utica Club in the woods and light stuff on fire?

JENNA: Yes! I mean, do you know many choices I had? Like, every single day, there was a whole smorgasbord of stuff for us to do, even if most of the time we just liked staying at home watching true crime documentaries on Bulu.

FR. BEN: It’s definitely a different speed of living, that’s for sure.

JENNA: God, who do I even think I am? Here we are, taking care of Shannon’s dad, the only parent she’s even got left, and I’m over here complaining like a bitchy little toddler because I can’t go to a Broadway show on a Tuesday.

FR. BEN: You’re allowed to feel however you feel, Jenna. Your frustrations aren’t invalid just because you long for the little luxuries we all savor. Temporarily sacrificing your own comfort in a time of your partner’s need is a fairly universal human experience… Present company excluded.

JENNA: That’s the thing though, father. This was all fine when it felt temporary, but lately, Shannon’s been having a lot of second thoughts about going back to the city at all.

FR. BEN: Ah. I see. How’d that conversation go?

JENNA: Well… it was in the middle of one of my bouts of cricket-induced insomnia, so that was great…

[SFX: There is a dull hum of crickets chirping that quickly becomes overwhelming. Jenna is shifting on a creaky mattress in Shannon’s childhood bedroom, unable to sleep. She sits up in bed and drinks from a glass of water at the bedside.]

SHANNON: (soft, whispering) Hi.

JENNA: (startled) Oh! Hey, honey. Didn’t see you were awake over there.

SHANNON: You can’t sleep either?

JENNA: (sighs) No. It’s pretty hot in here. Do you think we could maybe close the window, turn the AC on?

SHANNON: Ahh, no can do baby boo, Dad’d for sure have a heart attack if he saw that kind of electric bill in June. The AC’s for July, he’s always said. No, as long as we’re staying here, we’re roughing it with the ceiling fan.

[SFX: The crickets are replaced by the sound of an ancient fan, one with a dangling pull cord that makes noise as it wheezes itself through the humid summer air.]

JENNA: (deep breath) Copy that. Gosh, I can’t believe there’s anywhere hotter than our place at this time of year. I’m missing the slightly cool floor of our little basement apartment…

[SFX: Another body shifts at the foot of the bed as Rooster, their giant dog, readjusts himself.]

SHANNON: I’ll tell you who doesn’t miss home, is our shining golden baby boy down here.

JENNA: Yeah… he is happy, isn’t he?

SHANNON: You know… I’ve been thinking about it a lot. And I know I always said that I’d never move back here in a million years but… these past few weeks haven’t been so bad. It’s nice to be close to Dad. And I forgot how freaking fresh this night air is. Maybe we should consider looking for a more permanent situation, so we don’t have to keep sleeping in my childhood bedroom.

JENNA: Oh? I, for one, have been relishing in the fact that we’re back in the bed where you first discovered yourself. And with all of these incredible Sarah Michelle Gellar posters? This full sized bed’s got everything we could need… other than our place back in NY.

SHANNON: Yeah, I know… I miss it too, babe. But I can’t help but think about things in the long term right now, and I think being close by is important. I just… I don’t need you to decide right now, but can you at least think about it?

JENNA: Yeah… of course, babe.

SHANNON: Good. Now go back to sleep. We’ve got a long day tomorrow.

[SFX: Shannon shifts in the bed again as the sound of both the ceiling fan and the crickets come back into stark contrast, before sending us back into the silence of the confessional.]

[MIDROLL AD-BREAK]

FR. BEN: And when was this conversation?

JENNA: Maybe three weeks ago now?

FR. BEN: Have the two of you had a chance to revisit it since?

JENNA: No, that was when Bill was still staying in the hospital, after the surgery. Before he’d been discharged. Ever since we moved him back in, we’ve been so focused on him that there hasn’t been a chance to talk about it.

FR. BEN: And how are you feeling about it?

JENNA: (said really quickly, like her mouth will light on fire if she doesn’t get it out) Like, maybe, just maybe, if I pray really hard, she’ll forget she ever brought it up in the first place. Bill will make a miraculous recovery, and she’ll be so convinced that he’s fine on his own again, that we don’t have to blow up our entire life just to take care of him.

[SFX: Jenna slaps her hand to her mouth.]

JENNA: That was terrible. I’m terrible. I’m the worst partner on the face of the planet.

FR. BEN: (warm) No, Jenna. You aren’t. But I don’t think you’re doing yourself any favors by holding these feelings so close to your chest, either.

JENNA: Father, you don’t understand. This is the longest, most serious, truly best relationship I’ve ever been in. And something like this can stop a partnership in its tracks. Can you really blame me for wanting to avoid it like the plague?

FR. BEN: Of course not. I’m not saying that I don’t understand your present actions… just that you could be making your anxiety about the situation worse by avoiding it.

JENNA: (groans) Ugh, I know. I knooow that you’re right, Father. But that doesn’t make it any easier.

FR. BEN: Nor, might I remind you, did I ever say it would.

JENNA: Ughhhhh.

FR. BEN: You know, we can talk in my office if you’d prefer? I know Catholicism isn’t you or Shannon’s… thing.

JENNA: No, it’s alright. I like the booth. It feels nice to be able to say these things, the things that I’ve only said to my therapist so far, out loud to someone else… in a dark room where no one can see me. It feels… right.

FR. BEN: There’s a certain feeling of comfort that comes with the ritual. I get that.

JENNA: I’m assuming that’s by design?

FR. BEN: Beats me. It’s been in rotation at little parishes like this one for the last 400 years or so, though, so I’m guessing yes. It’s easier to be penitent, when you don’t have to look the person absolving you in the eye.

JENNA: To be clear, I’m not looking for absolution. I don’t believe that I’ve actually done anything wrong, nor do I believe for a second that you waving your little fingers in the air and lighting incense and doing your creepy breath work would do anything to cleanse my soul, even if I had.

FR. BEN: (laughing earnestly) My what? What do you think happens in these things?

JENNA: Hey, don’t look at me, I couldn’t tell you! My parents were strict Atheists who dabbled with paganism when “the grass was good,” as my dad would say. 

FR. BEN: Hah! I’ve known many of that kind of Pagan in my day.

JENNA: They went a little hard with it though. We didn’t have Christmas in our house, because they didn’t want to fill my head with “Christo-fascist nonsense,” (their words). 

FR. BEN: Ouch.

JENNA: Let’s just say that being seven years old, it wasn’t the best explanation for why other kids got visited by Santa Claus and all I got to do was burn an actual Yule log. And not the kind you can just pull up on Youtube.

FR. BEN: Well, forgive me if I say that sounds a little bleak.

JENNA: It was. It’s fine, though. I’ve done a lot of therapy about it.

FR. BEN: Regardless, I’m well aware of your religious affiliations, or lack thereof, and respect them entirely. That doesn’t mean you’ll ever be anything but welcome in this Church.

JENNA: Oh yeah? And if I changed my mind? Decided to move up here with the love of my life, settle down, get a white picket fence. Get married and have a couple of kids. You’d let us get married here?

FR. BEN: (earnestly sad) I wish that I could tell you yes. That Shannon could have her mother’s wish, and have a ceremony right here at St. Pat’s. And if it were up to me? She absolutely would. But it isn’t. And she can’t.

JENNA: That’s bullshit, Father.

FR. BEN: I happen to agree with you.

JENNA: I wish that made it better.

FR. BEN: Me too.

[SFX: There’s some somber music playing here, underscoring the conversation, which trails off for a beat.]

FR. BEN: I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you’re having second thoughts about your own second thoughts. Bill has told me that you’re a Libra.

JENNA: Hah! I didn’t know men of God could subscribe to the signs of the Zodiac.

FR. BEN: We’re all allowed our own interests. 

JENNA: I guess that’s better than being interested in touching kids. 

FR. BEN: (deep breath, awkwardly) …Yes, I’d say so.

JENNA: Sorry, that was uncalled for. You just struck a nerve. Shannon always says that, about my indecision.

FR. BEN: Would you like to take some time to interrogate those feelings yourself?

JENNA: I thought that’s what I was already doing.

FR. BEN: Begrudgingly, sure. But maybe, you know, you’re looking to be less grudging about it?

JENNA: (playfully) I resent that.

FR. BEN: How long have you and Shannon been together now?

JENNA: Geesh, four years. Don’t remind me.

FR. BEN: Wow. Time really does move fast, doesn’t it?

JENNA: It does.

FR. BEN: And, I mean, I know it’s been a minute, so I may be shaky with my timeline here, but from what Bill told me in the months after Sue’s service, it’s pretty safe to say that you and Shannon were ready to U-Haul from the get?

JENNA: (laughing) Father! You know what U-Hauling is?!

FR. BEN: I’ve seen The L Word.

JENNA: That’s pretty steamy, for a priest.

FR. BEN: I watched it for the drama!

JENNA: (playfully) Sure, sure.

FR. BEN: You’re avoiding the question.

JENNA: What question?

FR. BEN: That you and Shannon rented your first shared U-Haul less than half a year from meeting each other?

JENNA: (begrudging) Yes.

FR. BEN: And in all that time since, how many places have you lived together?

JENNA: Technically just the two. We sublet my place together originally, but then got our first real place a year or so after that. The one we’re still paying rent on right now… It’s small, but it’s ours. You know?

FR. BEN: What you’re feeling is completely normal. And perfectly understandable, given the circumstances. But if you’ll forgive the psychological intrusion here, everything you listed before seemed to be things you could do, more than things you actively did?

JENNA: Yes, I know. I understand that much of what I love about home is the possibility, and less the doing of the thing. And I also understand that we could probably get a place three times the size of ours here for less money, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to give it up.

FR. BEN: Nor should you be expected to. But it sounds, to me, like the most important part of this whole equation to you is your partnership with Shannon?

JENNA: Of course. 

FR. BEN: Then you have to talk to her about this.

JENNA: I know, I know. It’s just hard. She’s taken on so much, managing all of her dad’s OT and PT appointments, without taking a single day off of her day job on top of that? I just don’t want to do anything that’s going to give her a harder time than she’s already having.

FR. BEN: You’ll be happy to know that I’ve heard plenty from Bill that that’s the opposite of what you’re doing. It’s no secret how much you’ve turned things around over there.

JENNA: (sheepish) Yeah, I mean, I did have a lot of time on my hands in those first few weeks. While Jenna was still spending most nights with Bill at the facility.

FR. BEN: Do you know how long Klem and I have been bugging him to get a roll away dumpster for that place? Literal years.

JENNA: We didn’t really give him a choice. Which, trust me, we’ve heard plenty about. But it was really important that he had a clear walkway between his bedroom and living room and kitchen and bathroom. And with everything he was still hanging onto, that was impossible.

FR. BEN: Pack rats are a specific breed. That’s for sure.

JENNA: I’ve never seen so many newspapers from the year 2004 in one place, and I had a paper route that year!

FR. BEN: (laughing) Yeah, Bill’s an odd one. From what I’ve heard, it got a lot worse after Sue passed. But this time with the both of you has been good for him. He can’t shut up about it, really.

JENNA: I’ve never met a man more proud of his own daughter. And look, like, Shannon’s great, you don’t have to tell me that twice, but being a Creative Director for an ad agency’s a pretty regular job to come by. But if you heard him tell it, she’s Don Draper.

FR. BEN: There’s nothing that young woman could do that wouldn’t amaze him. He is her father, after all. Except, maybe, moving back home to take care of him full time.

JENNA: What?

FR. BEN: Look, you have to promise me that what I’m about to tell you doesn’t come up in the conversation you inevitably have with her.

JENNA: Cross my heart and hope to die.

FR. BEN: Well let’s make sure that doesn’t happen, but alright. As long as you can keep a secret.

JENNA: Pinky promise.

FR. BEN: Bill? He’s a proud man, and he’s absolutely loved having you both around. It’s been good for him. But if she was actually here for the foreseeable future? Checking in with him every single day, and bullying him into making his actual doctor’s appointments? He said he’d go just about insane.

JENNA: (chuckling) Yeah, she can be intense.

FR. BEN: And he gets it. He really does. He knows how guilty she feels about Sue, even if she has no need to ever feel that way. But, in his own words, “it’s just his damn hip,” and, “besides, if they moved here, when would he ever have an excuse to catch a play with the two of them?”

JENNA: Stop. You’re kidding.

FR. BEN: Not at all. But you can’t tell her I told you that. This whole situation has to be a frank conversation between the three of you. I just thought you deserved a little peace of mind. That Bill doesn’t want a single thing to change, and frankly, would have sent the two of you home weeks ago if it were up to him.

JENNA: (relieved) Thank you, Father Ben. That makes me feel a lot better.

FR. BEN: Hey, I’m not saying you’re out of the woods yet. Your partner is a hard headed woman, like her mother and father before her, but I think you’ll have an ally on your side. If you broach the topic in a sensitive way. And maybe even consider proposing an alternative?

JENNA: Such as?

FR. BEN: Look, it’s clearly been good for all of you that you’ve been here as long as you have. Rooster has a yard to run around in, your partner is spending quality time with her father, and you can escape the hustle and bustle for a bit. But you don’t have to choose between one or the other. Rather than getting rid of your apartment entirely, why not propose a more regular visit for the two of you?

JENNA: I don’t know, Father. I mean, it is a lot. It’s not like our friends who have a second place up in Hudson, this is a four hour drive. Besides, I looked, and the closest LGBT friendly bar is a 45 minute drive out to Syracuse… And all there is to eat around is crappy fast food, and admittedly decent pizza…

FR. BEN: You know, the good thing about not signing a lease, is that you also don’t have to make every trip up that Shannon does.

JENNA: I guess that’s true…

FR. BEN: I’m just saying. There are ways for all three of you to be happy, without having to blow your relationship up. 

JENNA: (sigh) I guess it really isn’t the end of the world.

FR. BEN: No, my friend. It’s not.

JENNA: Thank you for this. It was nice to talk to someone who actually knows all of the parties involved for once…

FR. BEN: Any time, Jenna. Any time.

[MUSIC: Forgive Me! End credits music begins to play.]