Episode transcript - “ultimate benji”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Season 4, Episode 1: Ultimate Benji
[SFX: Open on Ben and Klem’s apartment. Klem is in the bathroom taking a long time showering ready as Ben scrambles around the apartment getting ready.]
FR. BEN: (shouting so Klem can hear) I get that (does a Klem accent) “he does what he wants” but aren’t you a little bothered this is the first time in the four years I’ve been at this church we’ve gotten a visit from on high.
FR. KLEM: (shouting back, muffled) What do you expect!
FR. BEN: What?
FR. KLEM: (shouting a bit louder) What do you expect!
FR. BEN: Klem I can’t hear you over the damned shower. Aren’t you almost done? We gotta get going.
[SFX: Shower turns off, Klem talking more clearly and without shouting while still behind the door.]
FR. KLEM: I said, what do you expect, Benji? We’re not exactly a roll-out-the-red-carpet kind of place.
FR. BEN: Yeah, but.
[SFX: Door opens.]
FR. BEN: (yelps!)
FR. KLEM: What?! I’m fully clothed.
FR. BEN: That’s what startled me! How did you get on your shirt, slacks, belt, and tab collar so fast? Hell, you even have shoes on!
FR. KLEM: Underwear too.
FR. BEN: I’d hope so
FR. KLEM: Wouldn’t be the first time I felt a breeze under my vestments.
FR. BEN: Yuck, I wish that came as more of a surprise.
FR. KLEM: Whatever, how’s my collar?
FR. BEN: A perfect rectangle as always your holiness. What about me?
FR. KLEM: Tsk tsk, a bit on the trapezoidal side, here let me help.
FR. BEN: Thanks, dad.
FR. KLEM: There you go son, corners as sharp as my wit.
FR. BEN: We should get going.
FR. KLEM: Is your private ex actually coming to this?
FR. BEN: (sighs) She was insistent the other day but… I’m gonna text her and see.
FR. KLEM: Tell her your old man says she’s an idiot for coming, but I wouldn’t be mad for the drama.
FR. BEN: (chuckles) I’ll let her know.
PHONE TYPING FR. BEN: Hey, are you actually going to show up today?
[SFX: Text sending. Notification back.]
FR. KLEM: That was fast.
PHONE OLIVIA: I don’t know… I’m sitting in the car right now debating.
PHONE TYPING FR. BEN: I get you wanted to come to this but I really don’t think there’s anything for you to get out of it. Even Klem agrees, and you know how much he loves drama.
[SFX: Text sending sound. Beat of silence.]
FR. BEN: I don’t know, I guess we might see…
[SFX: Notification.]
FR. KLEM: What’d she say?!
FR. BEN: Relax, let me unlock my phone.
FR. KLEM: Oh the suspense will end me. Wait! don’t tell me if she’s coming, I want it to be a surprise! But if she’s not you also have to tell me so I’m not disappointed.
[SFX: Back and forth phone sending and pings between each text.]
TYPING OLIVIA: Damnit fine, you’re right. Sydney’s been trying to get me to come over and watch that new show about the Australian chef who inherited his brother’s sandwich place.
TYPING FR. BEN: The Koala?
TYPING OLIVIA: Yeah! Have you watched?
TYPING FR. BEN: I’m on episode four, but Klem and I have been watching one episode at a time together on Tuesdays, so I’m behind everyone else.
TYPING OLIVIA: Old man TV habits for a Bulu show, why am I not surprised Ben?
TYPING FR. BEN: I just like to savor it!
FR. KLEM: That’s a lot of texts to find out if she’s coming to this damned christening. Should I wait to be surprised or is she not coming?
FR. BEN: Sorry Klem… bad news. It’s gonna be a quiet night.
FR. KLEM: Private Eye or not, I think we’re still in for a bit of a mess.
[SFX: A musical interlude of some kind as we shift locations.]
ROGER: Vice Admiral!
BRETT: Yes, your Admiralness?
ROGER: I told you that isn’t a thing.
BRETT: I’m hoping it’ll catch on.
ROGER: Whatever, is the sound system all set up?
BRETT: Adam said he’s close, but I don’t know. He’s always so helpful for church functions, but whenever I ask him to help with sound for our events he takes forever.
ROGER: Damn roadie types can never be trusted. Back in the 80’s, I saw Lee Greenwood and even his sound people were ungrateful excuses for Americans.
BRETT: I don’t doubt it! Thanks for sharing another one of your anecdotes.
ROGER: Yeah yeah, now go make sure to welcome the Bishop. It’s your letter that got him here.
BRETT: I’m on it. My Admiralness?
ROGER: NO! EVEN WORSE!
BRETT: Right! You’re always right.
[SFX: Interspersed audio of a decent-sized crowd as we move perspective toward Ben and Klem.]
FR. BEN: Wow, a decent amount of people came out to this.
FR. KLEM: I can’t remember the last time a new building was put up in this town. Kind of an event!
FR. BEN: I know… I was just holding out hope that Roger would have to deliver his speech to Brett, the Bishop, and an empty parking lot.
FR. KLEM: They’ve been advertising “hundreds of free hot dogs” for weeks now. That’s a lot of hot dogs to pass up.
FR. BEN: I just wonder how the crowd will react when they realize he meant cocktail wieners.
FR. KLEM: Bah he’s a car salesman, people have to expect a little bait and switch.
FR. BEN: And look over there, Bishop Marino naturally already talking to Brett.
FR. KLEM: Who is that other person with… oh Christ on rice.
FR. BEN: What?
FR. KLEM: I honestly had thought she died.
FR. BEN: Who?
FR. KLEM: Sr. Anne Kaminski, bishop’s assistant.
FR. BEN: You know her?
FR. KLEM: I’m extremely old Benji, I know everyone. But yes, damned Anne has been trying to seduce me for decades.
FR. BEN: (guffaws) I’m sorry what?
FR. KLEM: She’s got an, “it’s ok, as long as it’s among the clergy,” attitude.
FR. BEN: Did you ever?
FR. KLEM: Benji, I’d hoped by now you’d realized that’s not my persuasion.
FR. BEN: Oh?
FR. KLEM: I’ve logged 100 hours into Rogue Runners on my Bintendo in the last month alone, of course I’m gay.
FR. BEN: I mean, I can see it, I just never really thought about it. It’s not like you talk about it.
FR. KLEM: Lord forbid I keep my sexuality a secret from the homewrecking holy man.
FR. BEN: Jesus Klem, we’re in public.
FR. KLEM: Nobody’s paying attention to us.
FR. BEN: You’re right? That’s kinda weird, isn’t it?
FR. KLEM: What?
FR. BEN: We’re usually mobbed at these things, shaking hands, being told about sick relatives and whatnot.
FR. KLEM: Small potatoes today my boy, the big B is in town. Ope! And he just saw us. Time to make like good little priests and scurry over to the big boss.
FR. BEN: (sighs) Lead the way.
[SFX: Walk through the crowd with chatter for a moment as we hear a conversation Brett is having with the Bishop come into earshot.]
BRETT: …and that’s why Supreme Admiral Alito sent me over here, it’s been wonderful for the Armada to receive this level of diocesan support. It makes all the fighting we’ve had to put up with from our parish leadership seem worth it. If possible I actually have a couple plans I’d lo…
BISHOP MARINO: (Bored, has clearly not heard a word Brett said. Boston italian accent) Thanks Brad, Sr. Anne here said your club has hot dogs?
BRETT: Yes, The Supreme Admiral bought every single Birkland brand cocktail weiner at Bosco had for this party.
MARINO: Great, get me a plate of that and a couple salt potatoes.
SR. ANNE: And I’ll take… (UNDERTONES) a tall glass of beer.
BRETT: Sure! Bottle or Draft? We’ve got 21 taps behind the new bar area in the lounge.
SR. ANNE: Oh I don’t know… I’m partial to anything… (UNDERTONES) German.
BRETT: Right away!
SR. ANNE: And with his usual impeccable timing, Father Klem.
FR. KLEM: (performatively joyful) Sr. Anne, Bishop Marino. How lucky we are to have you grace our humble parish. Have you met our new pastor?
FR. BEN: Hi there, it’s an honor to…
SR. ANNE: Oh Ben, I think you know we’re quite familiar.
FR. BEN: I’m sorry Sr. Anne, I don’t believe we’ve met.
FR. KLEM: (Interrupting) Sr. Anne please do not…
FR. BEN: What?
FR. KLEM: It’s nothing…
SR. ANNE: Wait have you not told him?
FR. KLEM: Sister, you know I hate my given name. I have asked several times to please call me Fr. Klem.
SR. ANNE: And I have ignored that request. This church has two Bens and zero competent priests.
FR. BEN: Wait… you’re saying…
FR. KLEM: Yes… yes… I am… (sighs) another Benji. Please don’t make fun of me, it’s not my fault my parents had such a cruel sense of humor.
FR. BEN: Wait, you didn’t hide this because we had the same name…
FR. KLEM: Why would I do that? It’s just a terrible name.
FR. BEN: I can’t believe this…
SR. ANNE: (Loudly clears throat)
FR. BEN: Oh gosh, I’m sorry that was just… a lot to take in.
SR. ANNE: Well I’m glad you’ve recovered, the Bishop here would like a word.
FR. BEN: Right, my apologies, Bishop Marino, It’s an honor to finally…
MARINO: Sister Anne?
SR. ANNE: Yes, your excellency?
MARINO: Can you believe I’ve been in this awful town for an hour and this is the first I’m hearing from the Pastor?
SR. ANNE: (Smiling) Unbelievable, Bishop Marino.
FR. BEN: I’m sorry about that, totally my fault. We were getting ready and only heard you were joining us last minute. I should have been better prep..
MARINO: We’ll have a conversation later, that little weasel is running back over here with my hot dogs. (to Brett) Took you long enough.
BRETT: (Out of breath) Sorry Bishop Marino, here are your hot dogs and the holiest hefeweizen this side of the Atlantic for you, Sister.
SR. ANNE: It looks so refreshing I think I might drink the whole thing in one gulp, what do you think… Fr. Klem?
FR. KLEM: For the hundredth time, whatever you do with your beverages is none of my business.
BRETT: Anyway, the Supreme Admiral is about to give his speech and asked if you’d join him.
FR. BEN: Oh Brett this is really yours and Roger’s…
BRETT: Oh Father, no I just meant Bishop Marino and Sr. Anne here since they actually supported the project.
FR. BEN: I’m happy to stand back, but I would say I put in a lot of time and church money into supporting your lounge getting rebuilt.
BRETT: And deluxe bowling alley.
FR. BEN: Whatever.
BRETT: Exactly my point, actions don’t speak for the soul. Sorry, Father.
MARINO: Fr. Ben, Fr. Klem, meet me in my office after we get this over with.
FR. BEN: Yes sir, where exactly is… and he walked away. What office is he…
FR. KLEM: He means your office, Benji. Nobody likes to play big dog like Marino.
FR. BEN: Oh, well I guess we’re in for it, eh Benji?
FR. KLEM: YOU SHUT IT YOU (incomprehensible german curses)!
[SFX: Mic feedback as it turns on.]
ROGER: Hello! (more feedback) Woah yes ok thank you Adam, impeccable sound work as always.
Well I’m truly honored to have you all here. Our last gathering was about the fight ahead, against forces big and small trying to break down, not just our bowling alleys, but our values altogether.
[Part of the speech to be overlaid by below conversation]
We’ve scraped by tooth and nail to tear away the facade of our ancestral memories to build something newer, better, with more smart home features. Like our end table that scoots around to whoever needs to place something on it, our new vending machine for ED medication, and a digital version of Pope Benedict to criticize your bowling game.
FR. KLEM: (whispering) Did you bring them?
FR. BEN: (whispering) what?
FR. KLEM: (whispering) Our bets! I’m praying to the heavens to get out of these dishes.
FR. BEN: (whispering) I still don’t see how this is fair given you’re the one making all these cinnamon buns.
FR. KLEM: (whispering) You agreed, loser does dishes for a month. I’m still happy to change to cash.
FR. BEN: (whispering) No, you know I don’t want to gamble in church. Whatever, yes I have the sheet. You have Reagan and you let me have a two-for-one on both Bush presidents.
ROGER: To really show my gratitude I’d like to invoke the name of another Christian that I can’t help but think would have seen me and the Armada as his brothers if he stood here today. Somebody who fought a similar battle for equality that we do for the Armanda, who like us seamen… had a dream.
Zero point one score years ago, a great American, and bishop, in whose shadow we stand today, signed the diocesan funding paperwork that brought us our new bowling alley. [OVERLAID BY BEN AND KLEM] This momentous financial paperwork came as a great beacon light of hope to the fifteen or so seamen who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long months they had to travel to the AMC in New Berlin instead of bowling locally.
FR. BEN: Damnit! I thought we had it!
FR. KLEM: That’s on us. We should’ve seen it coming.
FR. BEN: You wouldn’t have done the dishes anyway.
FR. KLEM: We’ll never know!
FR. BEN: Nope, and now we have to sit through this deeply offensive speech.
FR. KLEM: Moments like this Benji, don’t you wish you could jump to a commercial and skip the whole thing?
[MIDROLL AD-BREAK]
ROGER: Bowling at last, bowling at last, thank god almighty we are bowling at last!
[SFX: Comically mild applause.]
ROGER: Thank you, thank you. Now Bishop Marino, would you like to say a few words? (a beat, as Roger sees him shaking his head) No? Alright then.
Onto the main event! We at the Armada consider every lounge like a ship. A vessel that brings its seamen closer to their values, navigating the difficult waters of manhood. When the Rush Limbaugh Memorial Bowling Alley burned to the ground we knew it was time to rebuild stronger. She had served us well for many years but it was time to let her rest.
We’ve toiled for the past year working tirelessly on sending aggressively worded texts and emails to contractors to get them to work tirelessly on building our new facility. Additionally, we’re grateful to all the community donations, the support of the diocese, and the head of our church… me. Through our efforts, we are proud to introduce this community to our new lounge, the S.S. Mel Gibson!
(similarly mild applause)
FR. BEN: Oh god…
FR. KLEM: Eh, I was expecting Ann Coulter. Gibson seems like a compromise.
FR. BEN: I hate that I see that.
ROGER: Now for the final christening. Bishop Marino, may I request you come to my side to bless the occasion?
MARINO: Fine, where do you want me?
ROGER: Just behind me here (chuckles) right out of the splash zone.
MARINO: I better be, Dry cleaners love any excuse to upcharge on priest garments.
ROGER: (clearly nervous) Yes, your excellency. Uh you see everyone, to christen a ship you break a bottle of champagne against her hull. We will do the same with the foundation of the S.S. Mel Gibson.
Alright… here we go… and a one and a two and a three (grunts)
[SFX: Clang of glass but it doesn’t break.]
ROGER: (nervous chuckle) Uh, one more time! Just a warmup! One, two, three… (grunts)
[SFX: Same as before, no break.]
FR. KLEM: (to Ben) This is the man who gave you a concussion.
FR. BEN: Hey the wall sees it coming, if he counted me off maybe I’d have stayed up.
ROGER: Sorry! Here we go I think I can…
MARINO: Jesus, Mary and Joseph give me that bottle. You need to you force like this, see one, two, three (grunts)
[SFX: Crash, glass flying everywhere, gasp from crowd.]
MARINO: (Screams in pain)
ROGER: Bishop Marino? Are you alright?
MARINO: Do I seem alright you idiot?! My eye. Goddamnit I got glass in my eye.
ROGER: Call an ambulance!
SR. ANNE: What kind of cheap champagne was that?!
ROGER: What?! It was a nice bottle, Veuve Cliquot!! I got it at Bosco!
MARINO: If I go blind I’m burning this place back down myself!
BRETT: I’m gonna be sick… (running)
ROGER: (calling after him) Oh no, Brett! Use the smart trash can, it has a vomit compartment!
[SFX: Ambulance sirens approach.]
FR. KLEM: It isn’t a St. Patricks party without the sudden need for first responders.
FR. BEN: Come on Klem, I’ll drive us to the hospital.
FR. KLEM: Oh wonderful, I’ve missed the Jello in their cafeteria.
[SFX: Interlude with ambulance sirens growing nearer]
[SFX: Beeping of hospital equipment, door opens.]
FR. BEN: Hello, Bishop Marino? The doctor said we could come in now.
SR. ANNE: Well the doctor doesn’t get to decide! The Bishop is resting now and the last thing anyone needs after blood loss is seeing your self righteous fa…
MARINO: Sr. Anne, let the boy in. Klem are ya here too?
FR. KLEM: I wouldn’t miss the chance to pay my respects, your excellency.
MARINO: Yeah yeah, come sit down the two of you.
[SFX: Klem and Ben walk into the room, sit down on chairs.]
MARINO: I appreciate you gentlemen staying up, I know it’s been an… unexpectedly long night.
FR. BEN: Well, we felt terrible this happened at our church and wanted to make sure you were alright.
MARINO: I’m sure, but hell it’s my own fault. Those idiots at your church and their boat nonsense, I let it piss me off and stupidly shattered glass with my bare hand.
FR. KLEM: A very wise man to admit to his own missteps.
MARINO: Oh stop trying to butter me up Klem, it’s unbecoming. You’ve been working at St. Patrick’s since before I was in seminary, I know you think I’m an ass.
FR. KLEM: I would never think such a…. have I been that obvious?
MARINO: Just obvious enough that I notice, it’s alright… I think you’re a worthless priest so we’re square.
FR. KLEM: Thank you?
MARINO: Whatever, honestly I’ve never given you much of a second thought since we’d had you safely tucked away at this quiet small town parish… which has suddenly gotten uncomfortably loud.
FR. BEN: Well, it’s certainly been a hectic year… with the fire and all.
MARINO: The fire, yes… but that’s not exactly why I have half of your church’s largest donors calling into the diocese… is it, Father?
FR. BEN: It’s not? I mean, people are calling into the diocese about St. Pat’s?
MARINO: (Mocking coddling tone) Oh yes, I’ve been hearing a lot of information about St. Patrick’s Church recently. Some positives like How impassioned the homilies are. That other churches could take note on the youth engagement in the choir. How young families hear from their friends in this parish about the great community offerings and want to see them “replicated across the diocese”.
FR. BEN: Wow… um… that’s honestly really great to hear.
MARINO: I’m sure. Complaints have been rolling in too, church events always ending in a medical emergency, the Pastor (you) is combative toward his biggest local donors influencing church decisions, the music involves too much clapping on beat for your uncoordinated elderly parishioners.
FR. BEN: I can’t say any of those are too shocking.
MARINO: Really?
FR. BEN: My goal is to help St. Pat’s serve its community, the entire community. You know… “all are welcome.”
MARINO: (snorts) Ok. Anne?
SR. ANNE: Yes, dear?
MARINO: Help me sit up a bit, I need to talk to this hippie face to face.
[SFX: Anne scurrying over and lifting up Marino.]
SR. ANNE: Here you go, sir.
MARINO: Watch the bandage!
SR. ANNE: Sorry!
MARINO: Jesus in heaven. Ok here we are. Father Ben, I’m going to share with you a few hard truths, ok?
FR. BEN: Sure, (shrugging tone) you’re the Bishop.
MARINO: First, that’s correct I am the Bishop. You might think this is your parish but you are renting it from ME. So you can roll your eyes at me telling you how things are but as long as you live in my house, you follow my rules, got it?
FR. KLEM: Looks like that last screw finally got loose..
MARINO: What was that?
FR. KLEM: Uh… well… I said this speech is giving me quite the… boost? An emotional one! Give me piece of that brimstone, your excellency!
MARINO: Alright, calm down, Ben.
FR. BEN: (simultaneously with Klem) Me? I’m perfectly calm!
FR. KLEM: (simultaneously with Ben) But I’m filled with divine fury!
MARINO: I meant the German.
FR. BEN: Yeah that makes sense.
MARINO: Now listen, Irish Ben
FR. BEN: (frustrated sigh) Yes, Bishop Marino?
MARINO: I don’t think I’m a particularly difficult person to have in charge. Wouldn’t you agree, German Ben?
FR. KLEM: I haven’t seen you in half a decade, it’s a bit hard to tell!
MARINO: Exactly my point! Listen to him, Irish Ben, I want nothing more than to pretend you and your little church don’t exist. I want you to have your donut festivals, your youth groups, I don’t even mind you making up whatever little homily you’re borderline blasphemous views can think up.
FR. KLEM: (whispering) Benji, am I at a twerking competition? Because I can sense a big ol’ but approaching.
MARINO: BUT.
FR. BEN: (whispering back, resigned) And there it is.
MARINO: There are limits to anything. Can you guess what my limit is?
FR. BEN: Having to come here?
MARINO: That’s a good boy! Right on the money. I don’t want to have to spend a second in this dumpster of a town. But now I’m not just here, I spilled my god damned blood! A part of me is now forever stuck in your shit church pavement!
SR. ANNE: See how upset you’ve made the bishop, Fathers Ben?!
FR. BEN: I get it’s been a hell of a day for you but this town is full of great, hardworking and faithful people, I really don’t appreciate…
MARINO: (Scoffs) People like Roger and Brett?
FR. BEN: Well no community is made up entirely of saints…
MARINO: Glad to see you’re smart enough not to throw stones from your glass house.
FR. BEN: What?
MARINO: That’s truth number two for you. I. Know. Everything. Do you think Tony in Binghamton just called up the diocese and said I’d like to trade this priest?
FR. BEN: I mean he said he just approved my request to be transferred to the open position?
MARINO: And from everything I hear, you’re a smart guy! No, Antonio wanted blood, or at least your frock.
FR. BEN: He tried to get me defrocked?
MARINO: (Chuckles) He practically demanded it. I had to take him down a notch. I’ve known Antonio since grade school, but the guy needs to remember his place.
FR. BEN: So you kept me around just to spite Fr. Antonio?
MARINO: No, I kept you around because I needed a warm body in a crap assignment, you just happened to fit the bill perfectly. Giving Antonio his medicine was simply an added benefit.
FR. BEN: Why are you even telling me this?
MARINO: Sr. Anne, what was that joke you made after we got the call from Antonio?
SR. ANNE: Oooh yes! What do you call a loud mouthed homewrecking priest who doesn’t make a sound?
(A beat)
SR. ANNE: Somebody is supposed to say what.
FR. BEN: (impatient) What?
SR. ANNE: (stern) You watch your tone, I still keep a ruler in my purse from my school teacher days. Anyhow, the answer is The Pastor of St. Patrick’s! (laughs) see it’s like a tree falls in the woods joke.
FR. BEN: I get it.
MARINO: Oh don’t sound so bitter. We need priests and despite your… toxicity… I figured you were still valuable to the church, to me. You should be grateful if anything.
FR. BEN: So you’re saying that the only reason I’m still a priest is you wanted to send somebody you didn’t care about to be the pastor here?
MARINO: Exactly, that and I figured you’d have enough shame to keep your head down. Boy did I have that wrong!
FR. BEN: Got it.
MARINO: Which brings me to point three. Remember every day is a gift.
FR. BEN: That’s a surprisingly carpe diem sentiment.
MARINO: I think you’ve seized enough things at this point don’t you? I didn’t mean a gift from God, I mean a gift… from me. And it’s one I kept the receipt for.
FR. BEN: You’re threatening me now?
MARINO: No Irish Ben, I am telling you my house rules.
FR. BEN: And the rules are that I can’t, what? Do my job?
MARINO: The rules are that if I keep getting phone calls from financially supportive parishioners saying you won’t let them live their pathetic, hick values, I’ll make this old jackass come out of retirement and let you go become a Lutheran.
FR. BEN: (About to go off) You know what?!.... (suddenly calm as if coming to a realization) Understood.
MARINO: (a bit taken aback expecting a fight) Well I! Oh. Well good. I’m impressed you can be this pragmatic.
FR. BEN: (shrugging) As you said, beggars can’t be choosers.
FR. KLEM: Oh Benji…
FR. BEN: It’s alright, Klem. The Bishop’s right on this one, these are the rules.
FR. KLEM: Ok…
MARINO: Well lovely, I’m glad we have an understanding. Now get out.
FR. KLEM: You know I think we should talk…
SR. ANNE: You heard the bishop! He needs his rest! Out now! (starts pushing)
FR. BEN: Ok, ok, we’re going!
FR. KLEM: Ouch!
[SFX: Door shuts, Ben and Klem walk down the hallway.]
FR. KLEM: That damned nun pinched my ass!
FR. BEN: (Snarkily) We’ll ask a nurse for an ice pack.
FR. KLEM: Benji… what happened in there?
FR. BEN: I just didn’t see a point in fighting him on it. He’s right, he's got the power and I’m not exactly in a position to change his mind.
FR. KLEM: I hope you’re not acting like this to keep me comfortably in retirement Benji. I don’t want to work, but that boy Mitchell showed me how he writes his essays using AI… I think it could write me a homily as good as one of yours…
FR. BEN: Oh shut up, Chunk BPT can’t produce a homily with soul any better than Marino back there. And no, as much as I want you to be able to lounge around German Ben the truth is I just figured it out.
FR. KLEM: What?
FR. BEN: That you’re right.
FR. KLEM: (coddling) Oh Benji, nihilism doesn’t look quite as charming on you my boy.
FR. BEN: (laughing) Not about that. Well kind of about that… I mean… I know I'm not going to get that asshole to see it my way. So why try?
FR. KLEM: See now that sounds a lot like nihilism
FR. BEN: I’m not going to stop trying at all. If anything I’m gonna go full Ben this year.
FR. KLEM: OK that’s somehow even scarier.
FR. BEN: Bah, I just mean to say, Marino is here telling me he doesn’t care about St. Pats at all so I’ll say what he wants to hear and do whatever the hell I want otherwise. Screw Roger, Screw the A of A and especially that asshole Brett.
FR. KLEM: Ultimate Benji!
FR. BEN: (Resolute) Ultimate Benji.