Episode 1.06 transcript - “Our Young, Interim priest”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
We’d love to thank Scott Beck for organizing our first ever Spanish and Spaghetti night,
(MUSIC: A loud bell chimes, as slow flamenco music begins to play.)
where parishioners will be treated to their first-ever language lesson and a complimentary spaghetti dinner. I’m not quite sure why we’re going Italian with the menu, but whatever makes everybody happy, I guess!
(MUSIC: The first song fades and turns into a light organ melody.)
Also! Join us in wishing our new music director, Jess Coppinger, a very happy birthday!
(SFX: A crowd cheers.)
We’d get everybody to sing to you at Sunday’s mass, but, you know, that’s kind of your job, so instead, we all chipped in a for a nice ice cream cake.
(SFX: The crowd rustles in the background and someone shushes Adam.)
Wait… I’m told that was supposed to be a surprise. Please act surprised!
Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue.
(SFX: The Forgive Me! Organ theme song plays.)
(SFX: The privacy screen on the confessional opens and Olivia storms in.)
(Music: Bouncy, dark, and foreboding carnival-esque music begins to play.)
OLIVIA: (WHISPERING) Jesus, look at you. This is a lot. Maybe we should have stayed behind the screen after all.
FR. BEN: It's... nice to see you.
OLIVIA: (WHISPERING) Bullshit it is, Ben. Now, which way to your office?
FR. BEN: It’s on the other side of the church here out in the narthex... follow me.
(SFX: There’s the rustling of clothing and footsteps as Ben and Olivia cross the church.)
OLIVIA: You know, I have to say this is a beautiful church... simple, but very striking in a real stuffy Catholic sort of way. It's funny, I've been dumped a couple of times, like, back in high school my boyfriend left me for this exchange student the week before prom…
(MUSIC: The song cuts abruptly.)
OLIVIA: but this is the first time I've ever been dumped for an older, sexier building. Really puts things into perspective.
FR. BEN: Olivia... please... my office is right through this hallway.
(MUSIC: Margaret’s introductory theme from episode one plays. It’s full of soft, playful, and bouncy keyboard + string melodies.)
(SFX: The footsteps halt for a moment before a door opens and closes. Across the church, the door opens and Margaret walks in.)
MARGARET: (SHOUTING) Father?! Hello Father Ben?! It's me, Margaret! I'm here to drop off some soup cans!
FR. BEN: (TRYING TO WAVE HER OFF) Hi Margaret, good to see you! I'm sorry, but I do have a meeting right now.
MARGARET: Can't you help me quick first? I brought 10 cans of soup, and they're extremely heavy and you know I've complained about how high up you keep those damned donation bins.
FR. BEN: (QUIETLY PLEADING) Wait here, please.
(SFX: Ben jogs back across the church, panting.)
FR. BEN: Happy to help, Margaret.
(SFX: The bags crinkle as Ben takes them from her, struggling.)
FR. BEN: Thanks for bringing these in. I’ll just take those and, ah ok there we go.
MARGARET: And who might you be?
(SFX: Footsteps approach.)
FR. BEN: Who?
OLIVIA: Hi there, Olivia Inwood.
FR. BEN: Olivia? I thought you were going to wait in my office...
OLIVIA: Oh, sorry, Father, I saw you struggling to lift those bags and figured I'd come lend a hand.
(SFX: Ben continues to struggle with the bags as Olivia crosses the room and takes one from him.)
MARGARET: Very kind of you dear. The young man has the build but is certainly lacking in the strength department.
(MUSIC: The song fades away.)
OLIVIA: (CHUCKLING) Amen.
MARGARET: I can't say I've seen you around the church before. Are you new in town?
FR. BEN: She's actually not staying for very...
MARGARET: (INTERRUPTING) Up up! Let me guess! You're not from here, I would have seen you around, one-horse town and all. And you aren't planning to move here because who the hell is besides our friend here? …And yet you're meeting privately with our young interim priest…
OLIVIA: (SPITBALLING) I'm here from a Catholic news website, I'm doing a story on young priests in rural upstate communities… Father... Bob was it?
FR. BEN: Father Ben.
OLIVIA: Oh, that's right Father Ben here was kind enough to meet with me.
MARGARET: How nice, what's this website called?
(MUSIC: A foreboding synth chord plays.)
OLIVIA: It's called... Catholic News... dot com?
MARGARET: Wow sounds serious. Don't embarrass us now, young man. I don't have a computer to check in on your missteps.
FR. BEN: Thanks for the vote of confidence Margaret. Have a nice day.
MARGARET: Oh, you too dear. And a pleasure to meet you, Olivia…
(SFX: Margaret walks away, getting further away.)
MARGARET: …hope to see you again soon. We have a better priest who'll be back any day now!
(SFX: Ben and Olivia cross the church back to his office.)
FR. BEN: Here's my office.
(SFX: The door opens.)
FR. BEN: After you..
OLIVIA: Thank you.
FR. BEN: (EXASPERATED) Catholic News Dot Com??
(SFX: Ben and Olivia set down their cuts, cross the room, and pull out a chair.)
OLIVIA: (LAUGHING DEFENSIVELY) What did you want me to say! That woman was a pryer.
FR. BEN: I didn't want you to say anything. I asked you to stay by my office. It's a miracle when I make it out of a normal conversation with Margaret unscathed.
(SFX: Ben fiddles with something on his desk.)
OLIVIA: Well sorry, I'll be sure to give her a wide berth if I see her again.
FR. BEN: It's alright. So, how's everything?
(MUSIC: Melancholy keyboard melody highlights this conversation.)
OLIVIA: Everything? Come on, Ben, I don't have an everything anymore. You know that. You took that from me.
FR. BEN: What?
OLIVIA: What did you think happened? I left Sam.
FR. BEN: Shit.
OLIVIA: Yeah Ben, I left him just like I said I would, just like i promised you I would. I took 8 years of my life and lit it on fire in a matter of 5 hours. I quit my job, put everything I owned in two duffle bags and headed to the train station to meet you.
FR. BEN: Olivia.. I'm really sorry.
(SFX: The sound of a train station comes in. Crickets chirp. Train whistles blow as they run by.)
OLIVIA: I was so worried about you at first. I sat there on a bench with my bags, staring at this wall. I even bought you a fucking ticket because I thought you were running late. I was at that station for 7 hours, letting train after train leave, waiting for you to show. Finally, some employee kicked me out at midnight.
FR. BEN: (SIGHS) I know, I know. I should have called.
(SFX: The sound of the train station fades away. Replaced by more crickets and the sound of cars on the highway.)
OLIVIA: You think?! You know it's funny, at that point, half of me thought you'd been put in some kind of Da Vinci Code-esque Catholic jail and the other half thought I put the wrong day on my calendar or something.
FR. BEN: Catholic jail doesn't exist, Ol.
(SFX: Olivia walks up to the door of a church and knocks. The door opens. Crickets continue to chirp.)
OLIVIA: I know that, Ben. But whatever, I got to the church and it's almost one in the morning. I start knocking on the door and Sister Maryann answers, somehow still fully dressed? Still don't know how that's possible.
FR. BEN: She was always a strange one.
OLIVIA: Anyway, I asked her where you were. And she said you'd requested to be transferred for "personal reasons". But she assured me it had nothing to do with our community! What a relief! Even then, I was convinced there was something weird going on. There was just no way that you, the love of my life, would up and walk away? Right? Come on Benny I'm honestly asking you.
(MUSIC: The somber melody fades away.)
FR. BEN: Liv, I'm so so sorry... I don't have a simple answer for you. And I doubt you'll believe me at this point, but I still love you as much as you love me.
OLIVIA: Loved Benny. I upended everything for you and you tossed me out to dry. All I want now is for you to give me some damn closure…
(SFX: Olivia hits her hands on the desk.)
OLIVIA: (UPSET) Well? Give me something Benny!
FR. BEN: Ok ok ok. It's messed up and to be honest, Liv, I'm still not real clear on it.
OLIVIA: Well, let's talk it out then!
FR. BEN: Yeah, alright, OK. OK. I guess, remember I told you I was 12 when I first felt the "call to serve"?
OLIVIA: (SKEPTICAL) Uh huh...
FR. BEN: Well, I've had this tunnel vision for the cloth since then. I realized there was this role that I could fill. I loved spending time at the church, praying; I almost got a high from helping people.
OLIVIA: (ROLLING HER EYES) What a saint.
FR. BEN: No listen, I know we've talked about this, but I really did put my adolescence aside. I tried dating in high school but it felt wrong, like I was breaking vows before I’d even made them.
OLIVIA: Cry me a river, Ben.
FR. BEN: Yeah I get it but seriously it was just in a flash,
(SFX: Ben snaps his fingers.)
FR. BEN: suddenly I did it. I became a priest. At first, it was everything I ever wanted. But after a year went by, I started seeing the warts of this job firsthand. I know it's obvious to say Catholocism is messed up, but...
OLIVIA: That's the understatement of the year.
FR. BEN: ...yeah, but growing up in it I was able to pretty willingly ignore the bad stuff. But now? My whole existence is defined by the Pope on down, good and evil. And then you come along at the perfect time.
OLIVIA: So I was some kind of distraction for you? That's all?
FR. BEN: No, no! Olivia I loved, I still love you.
(MUSIC: The somber music returns, this time with strings as well as guitar and keyboard.)
FR. BEN: Remember when you got elected to our parish council? That first meeting? You crushed Fr. Antonio and his women's place in the church nonsense in a single conversation!
OLIVIA: I won't lie, that was a good day.
FR. BEN: It really was! And when we started meeting up to discuss council stuff and then later, just to be together? Those were the happiest moments of my life. It made me interested in something more for myself. I got excited by the idea of taking a part of my identity back from this place.
OLIVIA: So what the hell happened then?!
FR. BEN: All of a sudden it was real. It was board a train in the night, romance novel real. I know you're gonna hate this but, until the very last moment, I don't think I recognized I was walking away from something I needed.
OLIVIA: Jesus Ben, I don't get you. First, you say I saved you from the evils of the church and now you're saying you need to stay and be some kind of Catholic hero?
(MUSIC: The melody of the end credits music creeps in, still in a somber/melancholy manner.)
FR. BEN: I'm not trying to sound noble here. Frankly, I don't think there’s even is a noble reason for why I got into this. You have to understand I enjoy being important to people, I like people having to come to me for things, being a source of truth to them, or whatever. I think that's honestly what drew me in in the first place and at this point, I'm nothing without that.
OLIVIA: Come on Ben, you were something to me.
FR. BEN: It's pitiful.. I know. And what I did to you, leaving like that, was nothing short of monstrous. I never thought I could hurt someone as deeply as I hurt you.
OLIVIA: Give me a break, we're not in your confession booth. You're not some monster and I'm fine.
FR. BEN: I'm so glad to hear you say that.
OLIVIA: Don't get me wrong, what you did to me was absolute garbage and definitely messed me up in more ways than one, but don't flatter yourself into thinking you've got the kind of power to ruin me.
FR. BEN: I', I’m, I’m sorry, I didn't mean anything by that, but this has eaten away at me for months. Honestly, I still feel wrong from it. I think about you constantly, Liv. I think about what you're doing, both hoping this day would come and dreading it.
(MUSIC: The song ends.)
OLIVIA: And why's that?
FR. BEN: It's irrational, but part of me was terrified you'd come in here and burn the whole damn church to the ground.
OLIVIA: (LAUGHING) Hey, watch yourself. You never know, that doesn't sound too off-brand for me.
FR. BEN: (LAUGHING) Yeah yeah ok I'm sorry. So what are you doing now? Outside of hunting me down?
OLIVIA: (DEEP SIGH) I don't really know, to be honest. I'm back with my mom and dad right now. They aren't exactly pumped about it.
FR. BEN: I can't imagine you are either.
OLIVIA: Yeah, well, no shit Benny. It's honestly been better than I expected. I think me leaving Sam and creating this kind of scandal at church was such a shock to their systems that they don't have the energy to be the tyrants of guilt I knew growing up.
FR. BEN: Thank God for small favors.
OLIVIA: Plus, I'm not going to Mother of Mercy with them anymore.
FR. BEN: Wow, I'm stunned that they'd let that slide.
OLIVIA: Yeah I mean Sam is still going, he made that clear. Apparently, he still sits with my mom and dad too. Some kind of weekly support group for people that are disappointed in me.
FR. BEN: That's rough.
OLIVIA: But whatever, it's all kind of a relief. Like you said, Fr. Antonio kept that place reeking of misogyny. To be honest, I've been going there since I was a kid and only kept doing it because I didn't want to disappoint my parents. But now that I've hit my out-of-pocket maximum for disappointment, who gives a shit?
FR. BEN: (LAUGHING AWKWARDLY) Yeah, fair enough. Are you working?
OLIVIA: Nothing serious now. I didn't go back to the firm. Doing odd jobs here for people who need an extra pair of eyes on something. It's actually pretty fun. It's how I found out where you got off to.
FR. BEN: Really? How's that?
OLIVIA: I'm doing some legal work for a PI who lives in the area.
FR. BEN: Wow, that has to be interesting, based on my knowledge of the folks around here, I can imagine they have you working on some ah… funny stuff.
OLIVIA: I mean I'm mainly doing the boring stuff but there are definitely a lot of characters.
FR. BEN: And how'd that lead you to St. Patrick's?
OLIVIA: So, at first, I didn't want to look. I mean, to be honest, I never wanted to find you. I knew if I really searched I could figure out where you were. Your profession isn't exactly top-secret, even if you refuse to be the kind of priest that has a facebook.
FR. BEN: (JOKINGLY) Hey, call me a traditionalist but I believe the only holy man that should go viral has the initials JC.
OLIVIA: Oh can it with that. So I wind up working for this PI... her name is Susan, she's truly insane. Anyway, she has had me go to a couple of functions here with her for information gathering. Some of her clients are part of the parish. Apparently, community dinners aren't only a great place for church gossip.
FR. BEN: (LAUGHING) Yeah, you don't say.
OLIVIA: Seriously! She was right to have me come through here too, your folks here can't help but talk.
FR. BEN: Yeah, that is… something I know all too well.
OLIVIA: Then, a few months back the whole place is abuzz about this temporary pastor who happened to show up about a week after you disappeared. I asked around and sure enough, the know-it-all, progressive, overly nice Priest was you, Ben.
FR. BEN: Wow, what are the odds of that?
OLIVIA: You're telling me. I thought for a minute about packing in my work with Susan and not coming back, but even if I'm not going to church right now, I know a sign when it hits me in the face like that. I decided to suck it up and see what you had to say for yourself.
FR. BEN: And?
(MUSIC: A confrontational chord begins to play, sustained.)
OLIVIA: What?
FR. BEN: What do you think now?
OLIVIA: About what? You? I don't know, Ben. Jesus, do you want me to forgive you?
FR. BEN: No I mean, I totally understand these things take time. I just hope you don't hate me I guess.
(MUSIC: The chord changes, slowly turning into a melody, but continuing to be melancholy.)
OLIVIA: (SIGHS) Fucking men. Ben, I don't hate you. I'll never hate you. But I'm not looking to have any kind of relationship with you either. I can't.
FR. BEN: I understand. I don't think I'd expect anything more. I do hope if you come by to shake down my parishioners for information that you'll at least stop in to say hi.
OLIVIA: No. You don't get to play that game with me, Ben.
FR. BEN: Excuse me?
OLIVIA: Falling back into old patterns, asking me to drop in and "say hi" the next time I'm in town. What good would that do either of us?
FR. BEN: A simple kindness between two friends?
OLIVIA: That's not a simple kindness. This? This wasn't a simple kindness. This was closure, or at least the closest either of us is ever going to get to it.
FR. BEN: (SOFT) I don't know about you, but I'm feeling a certain sense of relief.
OLIVIA: You would. But I don't. You hurt me, Ben. You convinced me that you loved me more than anyone else in my life has ever come close to doing, and then you left. Without a word.
(SFX: Olivia’s chair pushes back, angrily. She crosses the room and rustles with her jacket, putting it back on.)
FR. BEN: (PAINED) I know, and I'll never forgive myself for it. But I wouldn't have been able to forgive myself if I had run away with you, either.
(SFX: Clothes continue to rustle as Olivia gathers herself.)
OLIVIA: I think I've heard enough out of you, for one lifetime. No, I won't be stopping in to say hi. I think I'm going to walk out of that door, and I'm not going to look back. But I want you to know before I do that I'm not doing this to protect you. I'm doing it to protect myself.
FR. BEN: Liv...
(SFX: Olivia crosses the room and slams the door behind her.)
OLIVIA: Not one more word.
(MUSIC: The melancholy song comes to a crescendo as it ends. Our regular, bouncy end credits music creeps in.)
ADAM: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. This episode was written by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda. Directed by Bob Raymonda and Me! Adam Raymonda.
I also sound designed, mixed, and scored the episode
Here’s our cast:
Emily Hulsizer Olivia
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
Ann Rhodes Sweet Margaret
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
So this concludes our final episode of our first season! Thank you all so much for listening along. If you enjoyed the show, we’d appreciate it if you’d share an episode with your friends and family. It would also mean the world to us if you gave the show a rating or review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser. It helps bring new ears into the confessional with us.
You can reach out to us on social media platforms by following @forgivemeshow
The team at Rogue Dialogue have a lot more stories to tell with both this show and our other podcasts. We’re working through scripts of lots of new episodes of this show and we’re starting pre-production for season two of our other podcast Windfall. The only way we can keep this up is financial support from our generous patrons over on Patreon.com/roguedialogue
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We’ll be back with more in the future. Bye!
(MUSIC: The song comes to an end as a singer calls: Oh won’t you forgive me?)