Episode 1.04 transcript - “youth participation”
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! Would not be possible without our generous parishioners.
We’d like to thank siblings Andrew Marone and Meghan Hawkins for hosting a successful altar server training seminar this past Tuesday. While we heard that many of Meghan’s critiques led to tears, specifically from Andrew, the children said it was a fun and helpful experience.
We’d like to thank Mel Hartman for putting on another successful kitten adoption event! Father Ben’s still having a bit of an allergic reaction to all the dander in his vestments, but he assures me that many lifelong friendships were made that day.
Become a part of our community over at patreon.com/roguedialogue
(MUSIC: A church organ plays.)
(SFX: The confessional door opens and closes.)
CLARA: Forgive me father for I have sinned, it has been one week since my last confession.
FR. BEN: What would you like to confess?
CLARA: (MUTTERING TO HERSELF) I have to tell him... I can do this, I can do this…
FR. BEN: Is everything alright?
CLARA: (STARTLED) What?! Oh yes of course Fr. Ben I... I've prepared something if, if that’s alright?
FR. BEN: Of course it is, whatever makes you most comfortable.
(MUSIC: Urgent sounding strings and horns begin to play.)
CLARA: (READING FROM A PAPER) Heavenly father in the presence of your grace, via the elegant and trim Father Ben, I confess to you my sins.
(MUSIC: The music suddenly stops.)
FR. BEN: I’m sorry, did you just call me "trim"?
(MUSIC: The song begins again, urgency renewed.)
CLARA: (IGNORING HIM ) Today I... Come on Clara, you have to do this… I… Today I want to confess the worst thing I've ever done.
(MUSIC: The song becomes suddenly more sinister.)
CLARA: Lord, I am fully responsible for my fellow bell-ringer’s Aidan's diarrhea accident during Christmas mass.
(MUSIC: Again, the song abruptly halts.)
FR. BEN: (STUNNED) What??
(MUSIC: The song begins anew, softer than before..)
CLARA: (IGNORING FATHER BEN, CONTINUING TO READ) While I never meant to delay in telling you this, I feel its important that I now, at least, explain myself fully.
FR. BEN: (AUDIBLY CONFUSED AND CONCERNED) Yes please, what happened with Aidan?
(MUSIC: A soft, contemplative string drones underneath.)
CLARA: Lord, I have prepared a reading that I feel best describes the power and energy I feel while playing the bells at mass. You may find this a bit on the nose, but it's important:
(MUSIC: A cacophany of different types of church bells begin to play underneath the next section.)
CLARA: "Hear the sledges with the bells-
Silver bells!
What a world of merriment their melody foretells!
How they tinkle, tinkle, tinkle,
In the icy air of night!"
(MUSIC: The bells stop abruptly as Ben interrupts.)
FR. BEN: (INTERRUPTING) Are you reading The Bells? By Poe?
CLARA: (FRUSTRATED) Father, I asked if I could read from this document I had brought. And you said that it was okay.
FR. BEN: No, no, of course it's fine. I just... I can guarantee you that both God and I are very familiar with Edgar Allen Poe.
CLARA: (SIGHS) Alright, alright, alright... let me continue from after the poem then.
(SFX: Clara continues to ruffle with her papers.)
FR. BEN: Why did you chose that specific piece? I know you play the bells, Clara but what does this have to do with a 10-year-old's public bathroom accident?
CLARA: (PANICKED) I thought this was anonymous! I knew you could see me through that damn screen! I... I should go.
FR. BEN: No, no, no! Clara, I'm really sorry I didn't mean to break your right to anonymity. You come here every week at the exact same time to the minute and I know your voice. This doesn't affect the seal of confession, everything you say remains here between us and the Lord.
CLARA: Alright... I'll stay.
FR. BEN: Great, I'm glad. Now please, what happened during Christmas Mass?
CLARA: (MOMENT OF SILENCE THEN BACK TO SHUFFLING PAPERS) 1895. Do you know what that date signifies?
FR. BEN: I haven't been here long I...
(SFX: We hear hoofbeats of a horse and church bells, along with the hustle and bustle of outside.)
(MUSIC: Organ music begins to play by itself.)
CLARA: Rhetorical question. The founding of this St. Patrick's Church, December 24th 1895. My Grandfather Joseph Martin was there as part of the celebration. He felt it was important to match the joy of the occasion with music. But the church was new so they didn't have an organ or any other means to create the appropriate overtures fitting of such a moment.
FR. BEN: So then...
(SFX: We hear bells being taken off the side of a horse who whinnies. The bells rustle a bit before cutting out.)
CLARA: Except for one instrument! My grandfather took the bells off his trusty horse Clara and brought them into the nave of this very building.
FR. BEN: Wait are you named after a horse?
CLARA: Yes, it's a proud family name. Is there something wrong with that?
FR. BEN: No, no, of course not.
(SFX: The church door opens, and then the horse bells play underneath, along with a cacophony of other bells.)
CLARA: Anyway, grandfather began to ring Clara's bells. Quietly at first, and then louder. Soon their tings and tangs were ringing off the walls of this building, creating a power and majesty that helped this community and, one might even venture to say, God himself know that they were home.
FR. BEN: Oh really? So ringing the bells dates that far back in your family?
(MUSIC: The song returns with the beat of a snare drum, bells, and strings.)
CLARA: (CONTINUES READING) From that day forward, not only did the people of this town want my grandfather to keep ringing the bells, but the Lord spoke to him, alerting him of his sacred duty. The classic expression, "Nothing as sure as hearing the beautiful Martin bells in St. Patrick's," came from the sheer reliance on my grandfather's beautiful playing.
(MUSIC: The song ends on three loud church bell hits.)
FR. BEN: I can't say that I've heard that expression.
CLARA: You haven't? I'm surprised, it's quite famous.
FR. BEN: I don't doubt it. What was it again?
CLARA: "Nothing as sure as hearing the beautiful Martin bells in St. Patrick's"
FR. BEN: If I'm being honest, it's kind of a mouthful. Are you sure that's how it goes?
CLARA: What are you talking about it rolls right off the tongue!
(SFX: Clara hits the seat next to her twice, emphasizing the phrase.)
CLARA: It's a very popular expression.
FR. BEN: Why not something snappier like, "Nothing as swell as a Martin Bell?"
CLARA: (FRUSTRATED BUT EXCITED TO EXPLAIN) You don't understand. It's about the consistency as much as quality. Bells are an ever present part of our lives, which is why it's vitally important that their clangs create a joyful, repentant atmosphere.
FR. BEN: My mistake. Feel free to continue.
CLARA: Grandfather's bells were the church, equal to the bricks that make these walls or the marble of the altar. That's why this famous expression exists. "Nothing as sure as hearing the beautiful Martin bells in St. Patrick's." Now you say it.
FR. BEN: (REPEATING BACK TO CALM HER) "Nothing as sure as hearing the beautiful Martin bells in St. Patrick's"
CLARA: Good, good. Grandfather rang bells until the fate of all true hand bell players claimed him... what we now call carpel tunnel was then known as ringers wrist. Towards the end of his career my father would join him. Clasping his hands around my grandfather's wrists to support them as he performed his duties.
FR. BEN: This is a beautiful story, Clara, but...
(SFX: Fr. Ben sighs heavily.)
CLARA: This became a common sight on Sundays and one I remember well. My father supporting his father, as grandfather sacrificed his body to make the holiest of music. I'd argue there is no greater symbol for our church. Wouldn't you?
FR. BEN: It definitely sounds like a special moment to witness. Clara, I want to get back to what happened with Aidan, I..
(SFX: Fr. Ben sighs heavily again.)
CLARA: My grandfather grew ever older and one day my father took over altogether. I'll never forget the day I turned to him and said "Father, I hope to one day play the bells with you when I'm grown."
FR. BEN: That must have been a special moment for him.
CLARA: Not even a little bit. The look of disdain on his face... "The bells of St. Patrick's are for Martin men alone," he said to me. On that day I never thought I would have the blessed opportunity. But as years went by, the Lord's will became clear.
FR. BEN: And your father finally came around to it and let you play?
CLARA: My father died suddenly at age 50 in 1990. I was 25 at the time and had been studying him eagerly for years. Knowing some day my time would come.
FR. BEN: I'm so sorry to hear that, Clara. How did he die?
CLARA: What will come for everyone in our vocation. Ringer's wrist.
FR. BEN: Hold on—are you saying for father died from carpel tunnel?
CLARA: Yes the ringer's wrist and his own arrogance. Father knew his wrists were going, but he decided to try and change the shingles on our roof alone anyway. It was a windy day and he tried to hold onto something... you can put together the rest. Tragic.
FR. BEN: That… that must have been such a challenging, sudden loss for your family..
(MUSIC: The church bells begin again, along with the urgent string focused song from before.)
CLARA: But my gain! I took the reigns at my father's own funeral. The bells filled me with such a sense of power, like they were part of who I was, who I was meant to be. I have proudly played bells for St. Patrick's ever since, keeping alive the Martin tradition and achieving my own God-given destiny.
(MUSIC: The song ends again as Clara stops speaking.)
FR. BEN: So. A lot to unpack there. Clara do you think...
(MUSIC: The organ drones.)
CLARA: It was the pride I felt in performing that gave me the fortitude to deal with all these changes happening all around me...
(MUSIC: “Amazing Grace” begins to play, at first only with organ and church bells.)
CLARA: First, in 1991, they installed an electric organ to play along with me... this I didn't mind if I'm being honest. The combination of the two was still hauntingly beautiful if a bit over the top in my opinion.
(MUSIC: “Amazing Grace” continues, but this time with a small church choir.)
CLARA: Then, and I'll never forget this, in 1990 the church board decided to install a parish choir like we're a bunch of protestants. But did I say anything then? No.
(MUSIC: “Amazing Grace” continues, but now with no words, instead just with bells and a trumpet.)
CLARA: In 1995 suddenly we begin allowing Mrs. Norris to play her trumpet during larger masses. Do you know how marginal a bell sounds next to the garish blaring of a trumpet? And yet, I still keep my mouth shut.
FR. BEN: (THE MUSIC STOPS AS BEN CUTS HER OFF) Clara, what does any of this have to do with Aidan?
CLARA: Shhhhhhhh, I'm getting there.
(MUSIC: The song continues, but now on a lone electric guitar.)
CLARA: In 1999 St. Patrick's is afflicted with its first electric guitar. I was stunned by how the other parishioners could be so alright with my nearly indiscernible, but elegant, bell playing.
(MUSIC: Drums begin to play as the song becomes a full band. The bells still play but even quieter than before.)
CLARA: 2004, we install a full rock band. The front man tries to get to get me to embrace something he called mixed percussion. I politely declined knowing that my bell ringing would ultimately outlast their nonsense.
(MUSIC: A jam-band style version of “Amazing Grace” plays, the Church Bell is still underneath, but sparser.)
CLARA: Finally in 2006 the band went through what I heard described as an elongated 311 phase.
FR. BEN: 311? Like the funk-rock band?
CLARA: (HOLDING BACK TEARS) Regretfully yes, Do you know how hard it is to seamlessly blend a traditional bell into what they began to call their... jams?
FR. BEN: I can't imagine.
(MUSIC: The jam ends and the organ and bells return, playing the song somberly as it had in the beginning.)
CLARA: Well, I stayed strong and remained a professional. And in 2010 sanity reigned. The church returned to some sense of normalcy. We still had the choir and the organ, but Mrs. Norris had put down her trumpet years before and the band finally broke up. St. Pat's was as it should be, ringing true with the sound of Martin bells.
FR. BEN: I imagine that was a relief for you.
(MUSIC: The song ends as the organ continues to slowly drone out.)
CLARA: It was! Until, of course, the great old Fr. Klem had suffered his tragic heart attack and our parish was suddenly held hostage by a beautiful, young tyrant named Fr. Ben.
FR. BEN: Tyrant?! What do you mean by that?
CLARA: Sorry, I didn't know I'd be confessing to you. I—
FR. BEN: Clara, I am literally the only priest at this church right now. I've taken confession from you for the past 2 months. You included me in your prepared statement!
CLARA: I mean I, I had a feeling it would be you, but since confession is about talking directly to God I felt he had a right to know what you've done. Even if it meant calling you out while you're here with us.
FR. BEN: (INCREDULOUS) What I've done? What did I do?
CLARA: Are you kidding?! I've sat idly by as this church has been turned upside down and back again so many times. But Never. Ever. has anyone had the audacity to approve something so preposterous as "youth participation"
(SFX: Clara continues to rustle with her papers.)
FR. BEN: Wait. What?
CLARA: It's always the same story. These young parents have kids and those kids grow old enough to walk and suddenly everyone's convinced they have gold shining out their asses. So they say to the rest of us:
FR. BEN: Clar—
CLARA: (PUTS ON A MOCKING VOICE) "Wouldn't church be better if we got to watch our disgusting children perform poorly? Instead of allowing the people who have spent literal decades perfecting the type of graceful strength required to ring a bell and do their jobs uninterrupted?"
FR. BEN: Hold on, all of this is about Ms. Williams asking me if Aidan could join you in playing the hand bells?
CLARA: Yes! And before you came along, we had Fr. Klem. Fr. Klem turned down those parent requests without hesitation. Defending his flock from these predatory soccer moms. But then you come along and just give it...
FR. BEN: I do remember she said he's been asking her for years to participate. He thinks what you do is so great. Honestly I thought you'd be flattered a 10 year old looked up to you. You certainly didn't seem upset at the time.
CLARA: Upset? Was Cesar upset when Brutus stabbed him? No! He was shocked and betrayed. Shocked and betrayed! Still, I chose to wear a smile. Even with a broken heart and a knife in my back I was going to give this new arrangement a chance.
FR. BEN: Don't you think you're being a little over dramatic?
CLARA: Never! I met with young Aidan on a Wednesday evening in the church hall to practice while his mother watched. She cheered him on while he did the absolute bare minimum. He sat with his Gatorade focused on the bells with the grace and understanding of uh, of an ape!
FR. BEN: I'm sorry to hear this Clara. I really had no clue how precious this was to you, I would have had a larger conversation with you about it, had I known.
CLARA: Well you didn't, and so here I was, aghast while he had the most beautiful of instruments and defiled them with his sticky, ungloved hands. The boy was barely scraping by and would clearly hold me back on Sundays.
FR. BEN: Still, it sounds like he was passionate and just wanted to learn. Besides, won't you need somebody to pass this tradition down to one day? Since you don't have children of your own, that is.
CLARA: What makes you assume that?!
FR. BEN: Oh Clara, I'm sorry I didn't mean to assume. You have a child you want to see take this on someday?
CLARA: What? Oh no, I don't, but that's not the point.
FR. BEN: (EXASPERATED SIGH) Got it. So you were saying Aidan was becoming a bit of an inconvenience?
(SFX: The church door opens and someone walks in ungracefully, setting things down.)
CLARA: Oh, he was beyond an inconvenience! When his first Sunday rolled around he showed up just before mass with another Gatorade that he actually felt he could bring up to the altar. I was disgusted. And yet, once mass started...
(SFX: The bells clink ungracefully.)
CLARA: …the parish in attendance was so unreasonably moved by his unpracticed, in-arguably shrill bell ringing that
(SFX: The parishioners begin to applaud.)
CLARA: they felt the need to applaud. In church! All because he's a 10 year old.
FR. BEN: I thought that was a sweet moment.
(MUSIC: Droning, dark sounding music begins to play as the applause fades and distorts.)
CLARA: (TERSE) Over 30 years I've been playing the bells and not once have I received any applause. And not once have I wanted it! But now, this child comes one time and receives the kind of adulation that is supposed to be received only by GOD.
FR. BEN: (A TONE OF UNDERSTANDING) Ohhhh, yes, I can imagine how difficult that was for you.
(MUSIC: The droning continues as a church bell clangs.)
CLARA: It was beyond difficult! Yet even with this I stood by respectfully. I performed with this dead weight next to me and endured watching him receive undue praise... and then I saw the program for Christmas Eve Mass.
(MUSIC: The music continues droning darkly, as dissonant strings creep in.)
FR. BEN: I think I'm starting to see where this is going...
CLARA: For over a century, one family has rang the bells to signal the birth of our lord and savior at midnight. The Martins are the Bell-ringers of St. Patrick's and, in a sense, are the sounds of Mary birthing the messiah. And yet, in a program, which you had full approval over, you allowed this ignorant mob of a parish to give the most sacred of solos to an inexperienced, oafish, boy?!
(SFX: Clara slams her hands down.)
FR. BEN: It was time to give someone else a night in the spotlight, don't you think?
(MUSIC: A plodding, dark song continues to play.)
CLARA: I couldn't let it happen. I couldn't sit by as years of sacrifice from my family were erased because a naive, approach-ably sexy, priest wanted to appease some eager parents. So I took matters into my own hands. But things went horribly wrong...
FR. BEN: (STERN) Clara, what did you do to Aidan?
CLARA: He showed up for Christmas Mass early. His trusty blue Gatorade in hand. I waited until one of his seemingly endless pee breaks and uh… haha… I um… lightly-dosed his Gatorade with a powerful laxative.
(SFX: A pill drops loudly into a bottle of gatorade.)
FR. BEN: Ohhhh boy OK...
(MUSIC: The bouncy strings from earlier begin to play again, but slower.)
CLARA: My goal was simply to upset his stomach enough to send him home early. I would never have wanted him to... let loose... in the middle of mass. But alas, he drank the entire Gatorade and, as mass approached, I could see from the tension in his face that my plan was working. What I didn't account for was the boy's persistence.
FR. BEN: Oh Clara...
(MUSIC: The strings stop and are replaced by very melancholy piano playing the same melody.)
CLARA: I asked if he was alright and he cracked a pained smile and said, "Yes, ma'am, I'm excited. Thank you so much for helping me." I knew in that moment I had failed and had created untold damage in my wake. The rest of mass played out in slow motion. Aidan tried to ring his bells though he clearly had to hold back while he tried to hold it together... until... the clock struck 12.
(MUSIC: The song ends.)
FR. BEN: (CLEARS HIS THROAT) I know the rest, Clara. And I have to admit that what you've done was frankly, rather sinister. I've heard from Aidan's mother and apparently he's too ashamed to ever come back to church. How does that make you feel?
CLARA: Like I said, the moment that child stepped out for mass, forehead sweating bullets, I knew I'd sinned gravely. I was too ashamed to confess and I have sat with this just eating away at me for the past month. Father, I ask for forgiveness and am willing to accept any penance.
FR. BEN: Can I ask, what you actually think you've learned?
CLARA: Don't dose children with laxatives.
FR. BEN: No, no. Beyond that. I have to assume that, if your regret was this great, you've given more consideration to the situation. Is there anything else you've come to realize?
CLARA: (TO HERSELF AT FIRST) Uh... anything else I’ve come to realize? Uh… Well, I'll be honest I'm not sure. Don't get me wrong, I've thought about it a lot. I know I should not have done that to Aidan, hell I probably should have encouraged him after he was given the solo, but I still think it's criminal it was taken away from me in the first place.
FR. BEN: Well, it sounds like we're finally starting to be on the same page here.
CLARA: No, you didn't let me finish. I've been coming to this church my entire life. I've never left. I waited patiently until I was an adult to have even a sniff of what Aidan has gotten at 10. These bells… these bells define who I am and they will long after Aidan grows up, goes off to college, and probably never comes to mass again.
FR. BEN: (SIGHING) Well… I do think the main thing is that you understand what you did to Aidan was wrong. I'm happy to absolve you of this. For penance, if you are open to it, I hope you'll consider writing a letter encouraging him to come back to church and to play bells with you again.
CLARA: (MAKING PAINED NOISES) Father, respectfully, the only thing good to come from my sins are the bells being back in their rightful hands. I don't think it benefits anyone for us to let that child clumsily clang on them again.
(MUSIC: The end music slowly begins to play and drone underneath.)
FR. BEN: I have it on good authority he looks up to you, Clara. I think you see this too. The opportunity you have here is great. You can help fix the damage you clearly feel guilty about and also create a new heir to take up the Martin bells. Maybe try extending the hand you wish your father extended you?
CLARA: This is really an over-simplification father I don't think you quite...
FR. BEN: Just give it a shot, Clara.
CLARA: (LETTING OUT A HUGE SIGH) Fine.
(MUSIC: The song cuts out.)
FR. BEN: Clara, where are you going? We’re not done.
CLARA: You know, you may be sexy, but the rules here are not.
(MUSIC: The end credits music begin to play again bouncily.)
ADAM RAYMONDA: Forgive Me! is a Rogue Dialogue production. It was written and directed by Jack Marone and Bob Raymonda.
Sound design, mix, and score by Me! Adam Raymonda.
Here’s our cast:
Krystal Osborne Clara
Casey Callaghan Father Ben
All of the graphic design comes from Sam Twardy.
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